A Course in Miracles Lesson Insights

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“What I see is a form of vengeance.”

It is very helpful when Jesus reveals the unconscious motivation for making up this world of separation, of separate bodies with separate minds. In this lesson Jesus is helping me understand that this whole world I see as outside me is really a projection of the conflict that is coming from my mind. Jesus is helping me understand that this world I think of as outside me is really a projection of my belief in separation.

This projection shows up as a world of conflict that appears to be outside my mind. Because I feel guilt for this desire for individuality I do not want to acknowledge this wish to see separation and push these thoughts of conflict down into the unconscious realms.

Now because I want to heal my mind, I need to have what is really happening at unconscious levels brought to my attention. This lesson helps me understand why I see so much conflict in the world. The conflict that I see out in the world is simply a reflection of the conflict that is in my mind. This helps me understand why I experience fear. There are times when it seems to go away, but it will resurface until I let go of the cause. So I do need to know and understand fully the depth of attack thoughts that reside in the unconscious layers of my mind.

I want to go with the Holy Spirit and look at it very directly and see this ego thought system for what it is. The Holy Spirit will show me that it is really not what I want. I really do not want to continue seeing separation. I want to recognize lack of Love for what it is and let it go. I want to see behind the veil of separate bodies with separate minds to what is real.

What is truly real is changeless. Everything in this world of time and space is in a constant state of change and therefore I am learning it is not real. It seems difficult at times look at this, but I have so much Help. And this eternal Help goes with me and is there to hold my hand and lead me out of these delusions of separation as I am ready.

In today’s lesson I am learning that what I see is a form of vengeance. I am willing to let the Holy Spirit walk me through the unconscious motivations I have been attached to. I am willing to hand them over. I am willing to practice letting my mind be healed today.

Sometimes I think of this world as a childish temper tantrum, in which we are saying to our Father, “You won’t give me the world of specialness I want and so I will make my own.” God will not stop us from making an illusionary insane world because He gave us all power. We can use this power to create or miscreate. If He were to interfere with our miscreation, then we would no longer be His equal as He created us. We would become of a lesser order. This He cannot do because He created us like Himself.

But He has provided us the means to escape from the insane world we appear to have made. It is His Voice, our inner Teacher, Who is ever present to show us what we really want if we will but ask. Eventually the pain of ‘living’ in the world we appear to have made becomes so great that we are willing to look for a better way. Our previously closed minds open a door, a window, a crack in the armor to let Love in, to let God’s answer in. And we get a taste that there is another way to be, a way that is far happier, far more peaceful and more filled with Love than anything we have experienced in this world.

That taste motivates our willingness to seek for more and to recognize that what we have made is not what we want in truth. This lesson is a step in helping us to recognize that we don’t really want the world we have made. There must be a better way, a happier way, a more loving way, a peaceful way. Today I am willing to stop the tantrum and open the door wider to the peace of God.

As I begin to meditate on today’s lesson, I say, “I place my mind under your guidance, Jesus.” Soon afterward, the tightness around my heart begins to dissolve. I have a memory of holding my tiny infant daughter in my arms. I remember her tiny hand holding my finger. I remember looking into her eyes as I feed her. I see the luminescence of love in her eyes. As I gaze into her eyes and speak to her gently and softly and sing to her, I am filled with a sense of wonder, awe, love and total oneness. There is no separation between us.

This memory reminds me that love is not an intellectual exercise. It is the lifting of the veil, the lifting of the illusion of separation between what appears to be two beings. This experience and experiences like this are the flip of the switch that take me from seeing the world as a form of vengeance into the experience of extending Love through the world. These experiences open my heart and remind me of the truth of Who I am. This is my healing. This is my memory of the extension of Love that my Father gave to me and that I am to give others as I walk in the dream.

It is helpful not be afraid when we look at the vengeance in ourselves and others. We can see it everywhere, on the TV news, a friends gossiping, the conditioning that we have grown up with, road rage, and all the divorces. When we see these things in ourselves and others, we only have to know that they are not what we really are.

It is so important for us to not feel guilty, for as Jesus said, “We know not what we do.” When we become aware, we easily turn to Spirit and ask to see things differently. He shows us the Love that we have inside. He shows us the joy and peace we have inside. And He reminds us that we are truly worthy and lovable and all is truly well.

Yesterday I could not believe how many people and incidents in my life made me angry. Especially when I stopped pretending that twinges of annoyance didn’t count as anger. Today it is easy for me to see how I have peopled my world with all that anger. No wonder the world seems so scary. After reading the lesson I saw this dynamic several times. I would feel anger toward someone or something and stop myself long enough to realize I was defending against my own projected illusions. I don’t think this means I’m going to stop now, but it is a small step in that direction, and I don’t think I can ever again be completely blind to what I am doing.

God wants us to be happy. He created us to be happy. Yet we surround ourselves with so many things to take care of to convince ourselves that our lives seem real. All these things distract us from the reality of what we are, yet we revel in them. We prize them. These things are projections of my fear that I won’t have enough or that I won’t be comfortable. They are projections of my fear that my True Self is not real, that God may be there for others, but not for me. I see my fear in all that is around me.

Do I want to live in a world of fear? This is not how I was created to exist. If I let go of my ego vision and allow Holy Spirit to show me what is real, I can be happy. I can live as as I was created to exist because I see fear is not real. Only Love is real. In Love I am happy for I am truly me.

© 2003, Pathways of Light. http://pathwaysoflight.org
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