My Path to Oneness

My father’s poverty and My Father’s Abundance.

For most of my life I have experienced a sense of being poor. While we were growing up, we did not have much money, and then my father got sick and sicker until he had to be carried to the hospital. We were almost sent to the ‘poor house’ where the people lived who had nothing, and somehow my mother was able to get the small amount of money to pay the mortgage on the very old house my father had bought. The house needed a lot of repair and modernization. He must have been happy to be able to buy this house so we could move away from his mother’s farm and be right in town. Yet, that was not my 8-year-old impression. I did not notice the ‘poverty’ we were living in until I visited the neighbor’s house. This house was much larger, it had beautiful Persian carpets on the floors, it was warm inside, with delicate curtains on the window, classic music playing on record players, a complete kitchen with a mother who was singing and was happy and had a wonderful garden with lots of flowers, a huge vegetable garden, three great children, and a large barn-like structure. All seemed so perfect, and I felt extremely poor in comparison. When I first saw the neighbor’s house, I remembered that I made the decision that ‘I am poor’.
Yet, since I was a young child, it was not me who could decide whether I would be poor or rich because it was the father who was the source of poverty or riches. And the neighbor’s father had a great job and was making lots of money, so it seemed and so it looked to me.
I have battled this feeling of poverty all my life and yet I know that I have never really felt without. I always had what I needed, I was not rich and had trouble paying my bills many times, but somehow I managed to get through.
So, recently I re-visited this thought for the thousands time because it was still there, pestering me.
I asked the Holy Spirit to take it from me because I knew it was an ego thought and it really was not true. My Source is God, and nothing else. So, I dove deep into that feeling of lack and limitation.
What I got was surprising and I felt it very deep within my Soul. I literally was shown the moment when I decided that I wanted to experience lack and limitation. I felt that that is what I wanted. I feel the guilt about this still. I said that now I wanted to be release from this decision; I learned my lesson and now I choose differently, I choose for God, for my One Source, for the Abundance that has been given me by my Father, my Creator; I choose to see it as it truly IS. I felt it leave, and I was released. This felt very profound. I was free to choose again while before I had been bound.
Now, you would think that this was the end and final freedom was mine. Not yet. What I noticed was a feeling, the one more thing: I had to forgive myself for choosing to experience lack and limitation. Wow, does it never end?
I have now forgiven myself. I know God does not punish or judge but just wants us to come Home. And so I am communicating with the Holy Spirit about how to change my thoughts of poverty to abundance. What She gave me was this: a profound, easy way in which ‘they’ create; They just see it or think it, and it is. I felt that! I felt the energy of the Oneness, the ease and directness, the natural way to be and have, and have and be. It is all One, and there is never even a hint of separateness. That was so cool. I feel I can give because I only give to the Oneness to which I belong, and so I give to me and the All. I felt I could not give before because I felt I did not have. I am excited about this change, this natural way of being. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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