My Path to Oneness

That darn ego!

The ego can be very tricky, as we all know. It can show up in the disguise of just about any form, and recently it has shown up in the form of me as a little girl. i always thought i liked that part of me, that cute little girl that is strong and sometimes demanding but resolute and seems to know what she wants. i was the clear favorite in our family, and I knew it. I used it many times in good and not so good ways, the way little girls do when they want favors. Somehow she did not have to do much to get her way because, well, she was just expecting to get things her way. I did not grow up in a rich household, on the contrary. But, when my sisters insisted they did not like the milk soup that my father liked so much and so they did not want to eat it, they thought they were forced to eat it. I did not like it either, but then somehow I did not have to eat it, and so I felt very special.
But, recently i saw beyond this specialness that I was always so proud of. I liked that little girl but at the same time i felt guilty that my sisters did not get the same treatment. And I really did not like those relatives who favored me because I never thought that what they saw in me was actually so. So, I never accepted their high praise of me, and I felt that I was living a lie. I felt I did not really deserve what had been given me because I could not see how all this praise was justified.
So, recently, I discovered that this part was all ego and about specialness and really just something I made up. Imagine the surprise. I had been under the impression all these years that she was a good little girl. And yes, she tried very hard to keep up the image of the good little girl by not making waves or admitting to any guilt, but the guilt was still very strong in her and in me.
And so, since I sit down every morning with my husband for about an hour looking at what needs to be forgiven or given to the Holy Spirit, I came to the point of discovery: this little girl is my ego. She stops me from being really the Light that God has created. She is afraid that God is like her father who praised her but who she did not believe and who she judged as not being able to really see her. She thought if God would see who or what she really was, He would strike her dead. And so she never wanted to get out of hiding, or have anyone look at what she was really like. Sounds familiar?
This is what the ego does. I was afraid of Love, as the Lesson 282 says. And so, since Love is Truth, I was afraid of Truth. I am certainly glad that I am not that little girl, She is the ego, that made-up part of me that I thought was so cute. Wow. What a con job I did on myself.
So, I have decided to take charge of my mind and ask the Holy Spirit to correct this image I have made, and to forgive myself for believing that I could be this little girl; for believing that this little girl did not deserve anything good or important, Yet, she was confused in so many ways about her ‘specialness’. She loved it and hated it, she felt guilty about it yet could not stop it or be honest about it.
This darn ego sure can pull you around on your cute little nose and make a mess out of your life.
Thank you Holy Spirit for helping me see all this mess differently. I want to be done with this, and so I turn it all over to you. I am so grateful that we are all Innocent in our true Being, kept as a pure and holy Thought in God’s Mind..

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