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July-September, 2014

3 Step Grievance Process — The Source of Our Suffering

by Rev. Ken Gorman, O.M.C.

In lesson 71, the Course assures that ‘Only God’s Plan’ for salvation will work. This is good news as it means there is a plan. It is not of me so I don’t have to worry about constructing it. It will work and Holy Spirit will help me …all of the time. However, this same lesson also says that ego has a plan for our salvation which involves getting us to buy into “Grievances.”

So this is how I look at the Grievance Process. Grievance energy is something we don’t want no matter what as:

— Grievances block our connection to our Inner Guide and True Self 

— Grievances cover the awareness of ours and our brothers’ true Nature, justifying all kinds of attack  

— Grievances occupy our mind, not leaving space for peace and happiness.

So what is a Grievance? When I was working with this question, the Holy Spirit guided me to the section on the Happy Dream: “[The happy dreams] message is, “Thy Will be done,” and not, “I want it otherwise.” (T-18.V.4:3) In this sentence He gives us the mantra when accepting that God is in charge and His plan is functioning in our lives which is, ‘Thy Will be Done.” He also gives us the egos mantra which creates endless grievances with the present moment which is, “I want it otherwise.”

This is the ego’s simple trick — to rail against what is arising “now,” which is clearly insane as what is happening is what is, end of story. Spending energy against it in our mind is like throwing a stick at the ocean, hoping to send back the tide.

For me, I see this as a simple, 3 Stage Process which can be noticed and interrupted (handed to Holy Spirit):

1.  We decide a situation/person, etc. is a certain way — This in itself does not cause the suffering as at this point we can just be in the now, accept what is arising (including our feelings and any necessary responses) and flow gracefully into the next now moment (Note: at a later stage in ACIM we will even question this stage to make space for Christ Vision).

2.  We decide, based on our ego judgment, that the situation should be otherwise for whatever reason. Ego is a grievance machine, so it has an endless list which is constantly changing. As long as grievances are created, it doesn’t mind.

3. We decide it is justified to be upset by this and play this over and over in our minds. We are mad, sad, afraid, etc… whatever step 2 calls for. Now we feel it and it is justified.

For me, stage 3 is where the majority of our suffering is as it creates a continuous stream of negative emotion in ‘MY’ mind. It is based on a simple lack of acceptance for the arising of the present moment, both in our external and internal worlds, and a denial that God’s plan is operating. These feelings are very negative in and of themselves and have little positive benefits.

This is why I believe we are constantly given the instruction to allow, allow, and allow some more, accept and embrace and relax in the “NOW.’ It breaks this cycle and gets us to surrender to the Now moment which is 100% God’s Will ...which allows us to relax and frees up enormous space in the mind to hear Holy Spirit and respond skillfully to whatever is happening right Now ...including ‘receiving’ plans if that is necessary (like book a theatre ticket or schedule a meeting with a friend).

Here is an example:

Step 1. I decided that the current situation is that I am stuck in traffic due to roadwork.

Step 2. I decide that there should not be so much traffic. It just isn’t right. Why can’t they clear the roads?

Step 3.  I decide I am going to have an emotional response to step 2 and I am going to be justifiably frustrated as I am late.

Over and over again about hundreds of things a day ...never noticing it never changes anything except we suffer…

However, there is one thing worse than a grievance — a justifiable grievance — as it is one that ego has convinced us is worth the suffering. It still doesn’t change anything, we still suffer and we are still disconnected from our Source and happiness and nothing changes based on it (I am still stuck in traffic!).

Our grievances against people can be said to be drinking poison …hoping the other person gets sick. Instead we just ingest corrosive material which eats at us inside and the other person has no idea.

I believe we need to train ourselves that grievances are something we don’t want under any circumstances and vigilantly hand them to Holy Spirit whenever they arise. If we ask Holy Spirit for help with this, at our invitation, He will show us the way… ”Grievances hide the Light of the World.”

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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