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April-June, 2014

All Are Called

Rev. Mary Gerard Lenihan, O.M.C.

Holy Spirit, my Inner Teacher, Helper, Comforter, I look to you for help with writing this article for the Pathways of Light Miracles News. Much has transpired in this still short year.

The following are timeless experiences in time, clearly connected, one opening into the one that follows. The sequence began in a pause: Jesus’ presence at my side, telling me “Accept the Atonement for yourself.” > I begin practicing being present to Presence during my daily activities >

Days later feeling out of sorts, I hear “Find Mary” > turning inward I am aware of this Stable Presence > there is a clarity of my moment-to-moment choice for unawareness or Awareness > in choosing Awareness, Awareness is witness, showing the ego as a tiny bubble of pain and suffering, housing ego stories > in seeing this bubble I see it is not reality, not who I am, not who anyone is > something new is rising up on the inside and I hear, this is “true compassion” > true compassion releases my judgments >

During a Sunday morning Pathways ACIM teleconference we are reading about Innocence; I experience true compassion and see compassion is Innocence looking upon the ego bubble > In this we are all absolved from guilt > my “double vision,” seeing “two” resolves in these moments > I experience healing > We all rest in Innocence. All this given through Inner Wisdom is undoubtedly available to everyone. Shall I share about these experiences? What would be truly helpful now?

I want to hear from you Holy Spirit. You know my heart, you know my mind, you know my thoughts about the body and you are living inside of my life. I want to learn.

I also heard you thinking, “I want to teach.” You did not type it out – why?

I want to teach others how to truly open to connecting more deeply with the loving Teacher Within. I didn’t write it down because ego peaked up with a feeling of embarrassment. Telling me to hide. The teaching I am called to teach is the reality and absolute practicality of the Teacher Within, who teaches truth. The ego feels embarrassed by truth.

What is happening in “embarrassment”?

Some part of me is trying to hide this other part of me that she doesn’t want anyone to see. The hider thinks she is protecting the one she is hiding, who actually is my True Self. Meanwhile the hider, as the front person, comes out to mingle.

What does this hider think she is protecting the hidden one from?

Being seen.

What is the ego telling you will happen if you step back from the hider and let “this hidden you” be seen?

I feel free at the very thought! But ego tells me I am risking everything; risking protection.

In letting one’s SELF be seen no longer is one in need of hiding for protection. It is not who was being hidden, your True Self, who was ever in need of protection. It is the one doing the hiding.

When I let my SELF be seen, freedom flows, joy bounces all over the place. It’s glorious!

So what’s stopping you?

Unawareness telling me that I should be spouting out truths and sounding all wise and everything so that I will be looked at as a wise teacher; in this I will finally have achieved a sense of personal value. My ego wants to be the authority! But who I am experiencing as SELF, is not at all drawn to appearing wise and being put up on a pedestal. I am letting the ego stop my SELF from being in the service of Spirit in helping others access their Inner Wisdom, with God as the authority.

Resting here now, trusting you — this is the experience I am called to call others to, as nothing else compares. Walking today, looking back over my life — all the education, trainings, jobs, career, interests — I eventually became bored with everything the world had to offer. In The Mentor Within, “The Holocaust Vision” the man had “lost his taste for this world.” This has been my experience for years. Then I saw what I have never grown weary of or experienced boredom over – that is God, listening to you and my relationship with Jesus. Each moment I focus on this, I feel connected. This experience brings a sense of purpose and meaning and I become enthusiastic about helping others experience a higher purpose in the midst of everyday life. I may not always want to accept what the Inner Teacher teaches, but I have no doubt deep within that it is true.

So, what’s the problem? You don’t think it’s worthwhile to share this with others?

Oh, I think it is worthwhile, but it seems few truly want to invest their lives this way. A Course In Miracles says, “All are called but few choose to listen.” (T-3.IV.7:12) There is much talk about the Inner Teacher. Yet, I observe so many who are more interested in finding an outer teacher or making up an inner teacher. It is not that “outer” teachers cannot serve a helpful purpose, for surely they can — for that matter we are all teachers, all students.

Tell me about accepting the Atonement. What is it doing to you on the inside?

I am experiencing a moment-to-moment unfolding awareness of this Stable Presence extending innocence — true compassion in which everyone is absolved of all guilt and judgment falls away. In this, I am finding “Mary” my True Self. I am not in this experience permanently, but now the choice for Awareness is so close in sight, I see it is the only true choice. I choose Awareness more frequently now, but not consistently.

What is Awareness doing for you?

Bringing rest, healing and discernment. Awareness taught this on discernment:

Discernment is not yours to figure out. The irony is that in your willingness to choose Awareness over unawareness, Awareness will discern for you. This Vast View does the discerning within you. Awareness communicates with you through your heart and mind. It is through This Knowing that you will know, in your willingness to lay your self at the feet of this Knowing. To put faith in your own power of discernment is limiting — it may get you some temporary answers to some temporary problems,  but you will not receive the Vast View. Unawareness does not have access to the Vast View. No matter how well read, well studied, well achieved, well spoken or “spiritual” …Awareness is out of sight to unawareness so how would unawareness detect Awareness.

And what is that doing in you?

I experience who I am differently. I know this ego Mary. She is a good person, a good daughter, responsible, hard working, contributes to the wellbeing of others, well educated, myriad life accomplishments, etc. All this and she still feels “not enough.” I know this Mary well.

As I practice pausing for Inspiration in the midst of everyday life, I come into Awareness and I am coming to know “Another Mary.” This Mary is an inner rest being present. She is not whom hardly anyone has ever wanted me to be. But she is who some part of me has always wanted to be. I am watching her and wondering.

Wondering what?

Will I let her be seen.

You are doing that now. What is this like letting your SELF be seen?

Quiet inside; A Strong Quiet. Quiet outside. A Stable, Present, Inner Focus. The Ground for meaning and purpose.

If your Inner Teacher is revealing all this to you, how much more do you think will be revealed to the few who are willing to listen? These few are your teachers as it is in your teaching them to listen that they are teaching you to listen. If these few can do this for you, certainly you can do this for them. As for all those still gripped by unwillingness to turn around and come face to face with their Inner Teacher, what is your plan for them?

Will you let your judgment of them stop you in your True Self tracks?

I will turn that question back on you.

There is your answer. Your having all this experience at your disposal and still are not fully willing in your mind to follow your Inner Teacher all of the time, how much more do you expect those who have not these experiences, to choose such.

Remember your sleeping dream 22 years ago when you saw the face of Christ looking back at you as you knelt at the water’s edge peering into the depths? The light coming off Christ’s face was so brilliant it blinded you and you had to turn away. So too will I blind you. I will blind you so you can see.

Synchronicity strikes. As I just typed about seeing, I look up and John and I see the most amazing spontaneous fireworks display igniting outside our large 11th story picture window!

I told you I love you. Teach the few, teach anyone choosing to listen. Teach because you really want to learn.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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