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April-June, 2014

Excerpts from a Spiritual Journal

by Rev. Myron Jones, O.M.C.

Mind Watching

So, I’ve been diligently watching the thoughts in my mind and asking Holy Spirit to judge them for me and to sanction the true thoughts, correct those with some truth, and to take away the ones that are not salvageable. I have been doing this for years. Lately, I have been identifying with the truth more than the ego and my mind watching is evolving.

What I am doing now is visualizing myself sitting on this big chair watching the play of thoughts through my mind. Sometimes I find an untrue thought that still interests me and suddenly I am no longer observing from my big chair, but instead I seem to be in the body, in the story, in the drama. Sooner or later, because it is so painful to be in that place, I realize what I have done and choose again.

Sometimes it makes me laugh to hear the ego chatter away, looking for someone to blame for some perceived attack. Always I remember to ask for help and it is like I popped back in my chair and now I am the audience again, watching a long running play. These visuals help me because I can use them more quickly and more readily than an affirmation or anything with words.

Reading the Course

One of the things that has made the Course easier for me to understand is realizing that Jesus seems to be speaking to us on three different levels. He speaks to me as if I really was Myron and new to these ideas. He speaks to me as my soul/spirit, and He speaks of the ultimate, the Self that is with God.

Something else that has made the Course really come alive for me is that I have put aside all the concepts and beliefs I have developed or learned about over the years. I started reading with the Holy Spirit the parts of A Course in Miracles from the beginning, a paragraph at a time, as if I were reading it the first time.

In doing this I see where I got it wrong in the past. I thought I understood something, and maybe I did, but now my understanding is deeper. Also I see where I accepted what others told me and re-reading this now, I am able to see with more clarity. I do this by putting aside what I learned from others and allowing the Holy Spirit to give me what I need to know now.

Listening to the Holy Spirit

Over the years I have developed a connection with Spirit and as I read the Course I ask that He guide me to see as He sees, at least to the level I am able. I write these words of wisdom and the explanations that seem to come to me in my journal and I share them in case others find them helpful, too.

I really, really recommend this process of asking for correct channeling to everyone. The Holy Spirit knows our level of understanding and speaks directly to us if we listen. We can receive words from an enlightened master but if we are not ready for them it might as well be written in Greek, as they say. That is why we have the Holy Spirit. He knows what we are ready to receive and how to give it to us in a way that is helpful.

Gratitude

I notice that when I am not focused on my purpose, I am focused on ego instead. When I am focused on ego I feel the effects of ego; I am angry, I am fearful, I feel guilty, frustrated, or sad. I don’t feel grateful because my life doesn’t feel like something to be grateful for. When I become tired of this feeling and do something to break the cycle, I return my attention to God.

I begin to feel light and happy. I feel expansive as gratitude fills my heart. I begin to see everyone differently. Instead of seeing my boss as difficult, I think how lucky I am that he took a chance on me when I was new to the job and didn’t know anything. I begin to see his behavior as a call for love, and think what I could say or do that would be helpful.

When I feel grateful I see situations differently. If I am not feeling gratitude for each thing in my life it quickly becomes just another problem in an endless line of problems. Instead of seeing something as a problem or as a frightening situation, I see it as the next step in my awakening. This changes everything.

The World

The world has one purpose; that is to hide my sense of guilt from myself by providing a place to put it. I keep the world in place every time I look outside myself for someone to blame, or for a solution to an inner problem. I keep the world in place through seeing myself as victim. As long as I think I need the world to be the repository of my guilt, I will not be willing to give it up.

There is another solution. I can look at these guilty, fearful thoughts with the Holy Spirit and let Him reinterpret them for me. I can do this instead of trying to hide them in the world I see. The Holy Spirit will never fail to respond to my request for help because this is His function.

Belief in Lack

I looked at my thoughts about retirement. I saw a lot of fear and I realized that I have a belief that retirement is another word for poverty. My ego mind doesn’t see a way to correct this problem and so thinking about it makes me anxious. I tried to relegate it to the back of my mind but what I noticed is that the belief in lack, when not questioned, gets projected into my life in many ways.

I lost a customer and this means a loss of income. There was a change in the payment structure at work that created an upper limit on my possible income. The tile in my sanctuary is peeling up and needs to be replaced. I need a crown for a cracked tooth. I am seeing less income and more expenses.

I even noticed that it was showing up in my non-profit, The Way Home. There has always been plenty of money in that account for whatever projects we were funding. Suddenly we didn’t have enough money to fully fund a scholarship for a ministerial student that we were providing for. I spoke to my Board of Directors and offered them the opportunity to join me in healing the mind of the belief in lack.

This is the way it worked for me. I watched my thoughts about retirement. I saw that I felt guilty for letting this happen. I should have planned. I should have saved. I felt embarrassment to admit that in 65 years I have failed to learn anything about financial planning. I saw separation as I talked to people who were enjoying their well-planned retirement and knew that this would not be my story.

Having seen the thoughts in my mind, I became ready to allow them to be healed. I brought all my dark thoughts to the Holy Spirit Who holds the Light that dispels darkness. As my mind was healed, the Holy Spirit gave me new thoughts.

Nothing I say or do or fail to say or do can affect my Self. I remain as God created me.

I am not guilty because my mind is part of God and there is no guilt in God.

God does not Will I suffer and He certainly does not Will I suffer for my “sins.”

I began to relax and accept the Atonement for my mistaken thoughts and beliefs.

My Board of Directors and I have shared about our processes and everyone feels blessed by this opportunity. What I have seen since this healing is that The Way Home is once again receiving donations. We were able to meet our obligation to our ministerial student and we are building our reserve for the next scholarship. We did nothing to create this funding other than to heal our own minds.

For myself, I am still working on this healing of my mind. I am no longer living with constant anxiety about retirement, but I still notice thoughts of lack in my mind. I am grateful for the opportunity to allow deeper healing of that belief.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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