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April-June, 2016

Forgiveness Lessons with the Computer

by Rev. Linda Wisniewski, O.M.C.

Happy New Year. Your computer is not working. Are you kidding me? I can’t survive without my computer. What will happen with the ministry? I depend on the computer for everything. How will I connect? How will those that are trying to contact me know that I’m here if I don’t answer them? Maybe they will think I don’t care. Oh, this is a disaster. I’m finished. Everything is ruined.

These are the ego thoughts that came rushing in when the server on the computer broke and I couldn’t get it fixed for four and a half days. Oh my. The ego is an insane thought system and I’m glad you didn’t see it in action when I found out it wouldn’t get fixed for four days. “What do you mean, the people don’t work on the weekends. Can’t you see this is an emergency?” screamed the ego.

Not only is the ego thought system loud, but it projects its loud mouth onto others. My poor husband thought I was ranting and raving at him as I was hurling my thoughts into the atmosphere.

Then of course the guilt came up. How could I be so mean to the one I love? What kind of Course student am I? I’m such a hypocrite. Again, the ego thought system will use anything to make us feel guilty, wronged and unworthy.

Thank God I practice the Course lessons because I knew that I was reacting insanely, and if I continued, I would make myself sick. Not only would I have to worry about the breakdown of the computer, but about the mental breakdown of Linda. Thank God I am learning that there is another thought system that is sane and can change my ‘stinking thinking’ and show me a sane and peaceful way to look at things.

First I had to give my willingness to want to see this differently. Second, I had to make a decision that above all else, I wanted to be at peace.

I became still, even though I still felt rattled, and called on Holy Spirit for help. I didn’t ask Holy Spirit to come and fix the computer. I asked for help to correct my thoughts about the meaning I was giving to the computer and to the situation of the breakdown.

Holy Spirit reminded me of Workbook Lesson 50: I Am Sustained by the Love of God.

“Here is the answer to every problem that will confront you, today, tomorrow and throughout time.” (1:1)

“Only the Love of God will protect you in all circumstances.” (3:1)

“It will transport you into a state of mind that nothing can threaten, nothing can disturb, and where nothing can intrude upon the eternal calm of the Son of God.” (3:3)

“Through the Love of God, within you, you can resolve all seeming difficulties without effort and in sure confidence.” (4:5)

“It is the declaration of release from the belief in idols.” (4:7)

I certainly had made the computer an idol and believed that without it, I was doomed. This lesson put me in a state of calm where I could go within and ask the Holy Spirit to help me see it differently. I also asked Holy Spirit what to do about this situation.

I am learning that Holy Spirit works with us in the illusion and the advice can be very practical and lead to true miracles.

While I was in calm, the Holy Spirit brought up the name of a neighbor with whom I have been estranged for four years. I kept asking Holy Spirit to heal this relationship but nothing seemed to be happening. I also asked Holy Spirit to help me see the Christ in her, rather than her individual personality.

Well, when I heard Holy Spirit say her name. My first response was, “You are not serious, Holy Spirit. How can I ask my neighbor to use her computer, when I haven’t spoken to her in four years?” I heard the Holy Spirit answer, “Just do it.”

So, in fear, I called and asked and she was very gracious and told me to come over. As soon as I entered her home, all grievances just dropped and I felt so much love. I held out my hands and we hugged. We also made a date to get together for coffee. Every day my computer was down I was welcome to come to her home and use her computer so I never missed emails or messages.

Once again, it has been reinforced to me that I don’t know what anything is for. I thought it was about the computer, but it turned out to be about mending a relationship and seeing that only Love is real.

I am also learning over and over again that every circumstance is not about the issue that is being presented as a problem, but rather it’s an opportunity to use the challenge to show me where I still need to heal my mind.

I needed to learn that, “I am Sustained by the Love of God.”

I needed to learn to trust God’s Plan.

I needed to learn to trust.

My husband, who is very competent, says I don’t trust him and I try to usurp his authority. This is really a symbol of what happened when we separated from our Creator and tried to usurp God’s authority and replace it with a separate will.

Holy Spirit also gently reminded me to let go of the problem I perceived about the computer and let my husband handle it. This was difficult as the mind kept being tempted by the ego to take over control and try to solve the situation on my own.

One part of the mind told me to let go and let my husband take care of it. The other part of the mind — the ego part — kept convincing me that my husband wasn’t handling it right and it was taking too long to get it fixed.

Unfortunately, I succumbed to the temptation and called another Internet company. This company was trying to push a lot of things on me and I was getting confused. Just as I hung up, the repair guy from our computer company came and fixed it in half an hour. Of course, it was four days later because they didn’t work on week-ends, but this company we are with offers a much better deal.

Then I had to call the other company and try to get out of the deal. If only I wouldn’t have succumbed to temptation. But I’m not guilty and I’m learning so much from this situation.

I had asked Holy Spirit to help me with an impatient attitude. Holy Spirit teaches by contrast and so I saw the trouble I get into when I am impatient, and how gentle and peaceful everything works out when I am patient.

I am also learning that I can never be separated or disconnected, even when a computer shuts down. We are One in the Mind of God and there is no separation.

Other Lessons that helped me get through these four days in relative calm were:

Lesson 184: “I want the peace of God.”

Lesson 243: “Today I will judge nothing that occurs.”

I don’t know what anything means or what anything is for. The issue with the computer brought about a healing with my friend. It also taught me that I want to be happy rather than right. It taught me that I want the peace of God over anything else. It taught me that with infinite patience, all things will be worked out perfectly for my highest good and awakening. It taught me to trust Holy Spirit and let go and let God.

I am truly grateful for all the healing that took place as a result of my willingness to heal my mind and forgive all the mistaken thoughts that come from the ego thought system.

At the same time, I am grateful for the gifts the computer brings. It joins us with others around the world with whom we can share the Course and learn from each other how the practice of the Course brings true healing.

The issue is whether I let ego be in charge of any problems that arises or whether I put Holy Spirit in charge.

Whom I put in charge will depend on whether I will experience a chaotic outcome or a peaceful one.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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