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July-September, 2005

Forgiveness — It’s More Than I Thought

by Rev. Robert Mills, O.M.C.

Last night while resting from a busy day of being lead by Spirit, I was tired, sore, open and willing. I had done quite a bit of physical labor moving trees that had blown down on the farm that were in the path of gardens and buildings. Earlier that morning I had stated and written down what I wanted to become of this day: Rebirth of my true Self, full presence in my being of the One Christ Mind — one with all; peace, serenity, acceptance and playfulness; forgiveness of the past thoughts that are not true; shining with Love. The world is bright with Love.

After meditation I proceeded to make a list of things that needed my attention. The list grew and felt complete for the day. As I approached each project with an open mind to Spirit, I consistently discovered areas that “bumped” out and were untrue to my true Self. Applying forgiveness to these errant thoughts gave me a peaceful perspective most naturally and with no effort. I saw the value of doing one thing at a time completely with total service in each thought and resulting action. Without effort I was observing the rebirth of my true Self. The list was whittled down to the remaining outside work with ease (Peace, Serenity, Acceptance and Playfulness).

Taking a mental break, I went outside with an open mind to Spirit. I got the equipment gathered — tractor, chains, ropes. All was done step-by-step, with meaningless thoughts bumping through, to which I applied forgiveness and peace was extended. I felt guided where to place the chain on the limb, when to lift the tractor bucket, what speed to drive the tractor, what force to apply to each tree or large limb. I made no decisions on my own. All trees were moved and stacked in the cutting pile as smooth as silk. I took breaks with water and love was shining in the world (the temp was 90). Each thought and action was guided by Spirit. In rechecking my day as I had intended it to become, I found it exactly as I had requested. Spirit guided and I allowed it to happen.

As I approached the mowing chore Spirit said, “Go to town.” I had not planned this. I guess I had one errand to run so I could do it now. I went with guidance and got groceries, went to the post office and farm store for a tool. I took many deep breaths and stepped back to see with my inner vision. I saw peace in faces I would normally pass by. People shared water with me out of kindness in the hot day. The day was reborn; I was refreshed.

As I arrived back at the farm I got the lawn mower tractor ready — checked the oil, coolant and blades. This is an old tractor that is a dream, requiring TLC or it will turn into a nightmare. I know this is true in all happy dreams — tender-loving-care. I mowed various green sections of the farm property and saw the Zen garden coming out of the path that I was traveling with the mower. The mower was the rake in the simple Zen garden. After a few hours the mowing and trimming were done. A beauty and order not seen to be outstanding, but felt from within to be in order with God. Love was shining.

After a late night supper I rechecked my list. I had things not completed that could be moved to tomorrow but one stuck out. Clarify direction of my ministry. This “to do” I have been hovering around for the last six months. Each time I went to this part of my life ( where I was truly baffled), I was distinctively guided to do the work in front of me and more will be revealed. In my meditations I saw how this was an unfolding of remembrances, not a placing of new concepts to apply to fix the old. I truly felt connected to my own Inner Wisdom. I was not in charge of direction. I surrendered control to the Love within me, Holy Spirit. I have done this often over many years and know it works in mystical ways. But to be honest I sometimes feel if I ever shared this with business associates and relatives that it would seem to them to be irresponsible, wimpy, copping out, no guts and maybe just nuts. Ego rides again.

Now after many years of surrendering again and again and yet again, I feel it’s part of me, part of my healing my mind with the Source of Love within me. I now believe it is the most responsible thing to do, not to preach, but to do. The result is the gentle awakening to the great simple truth — God Is. No words or symbols can define this.

Here I am, seeking direction for my ministry and I have clues but no “plan” to make it happen. With Spirit I decided to take it to “J.” First off I prefer the letter “J” as spoken by others. I found I had a Jesus in my mind that was not real. I had absorbed the prescribed notion that Jesus was up there, beyond me, probably ashamed of me, and I would have to be dead to maybe meet his ghostness.

Well, after opening my mind and leaving judgment behind, I discovered the barriers I imposed on my own Essence, and “J” was the one lovingly helping me as my brother, Son of God. Closer than my breath, always giving all to all. Simple and true.

Having developing trust in full bloom, I proceeded to hand it over to “J.” In this work I have come to realize expectations can be a subtle form of my agenda getting in the way. Without realizing it, I had expectations of a great master plan and revelation laying out my ministry. Well, when I handed it over to “J,” I got nothing, zip, nada. I felt loved and cared for but got no response, just a blank. I said, “Great, it will come later.” As I ended my day, I thanked Holy Spirit for the guidance and support in healing my mind. I added that again I hand over my direction for my ministry to “J.” I added that I do want it clear and unmistakable — thank you.

I awoke to Brenda’s alarm clock of nature sounds and frogs croaking. I was aware of one clear thought throughout the night in all it’s fullness — FORGIVENESS. My ministry is all about forgiveness. One word, loud and clear, wall to wall in my mind. This one word helped me remember why we are here: To heal our minds with Spirit leading the way. What we are to do here: Allow Holy Spirit to show us our One Self and play our part in the great awakening of the truth and, finding peace and joy in our hearts, extend it to the rest of our One Self.

With this in mind I truly see what is to become of my ministry. I see that the way will be provided in my own gentle awakening together with you.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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