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April-June, 2014

Living A Course in Miracles: On Forgiveness

by Rev. Maria Madik, O.M.C.

I often wanted to explain this sentence, but could not find the right words: “There is a thin line between being forgiving and being a victim.” I used to assume that forgiveness is to let go, look someone in the eye and say: “You hurt me but I will do better than you, I will not hurt you back, I will instead walk away.” And once I walk away, I start to what the Course describes as “attack” my own self. The result: I made a victim of my brother and me.

In 2012, after a deep spiritual experience in Assisi, I came back home, feeling empowered by the peace I found there. I had felt a deep sense of guilt, but I did not seem to know where it was coming from. I wrote to a friend, who was previously my therapist, that I am under deep sense of guilt and she replied, “After all this time in therapy, where is this coming from?”

Her question made me go deeper and deeper. I quieted my mind and listened. The answer came that I feel guilty because of the anger feelings I have towards my mother.

Just becoming aware of it made me just smile and say, “How can I forgive her? Would I have to put her on the witness stand, look her in the eye and say I am better than you, I do not judge you?” I knew that was not the answer. Instead I just moved on, saying I know where this guilt is coming from and that is enough for now.

After that I started to read the Course in August 2012. The first sentence that stuck in my head was: Fear is not real. I knew fear creates avoidance, which creates negative self-talk, blame, anger and eventually guilt. At that moment, I realized my guilty feelings towards my mother have no basis.

Since then forgiveness to me is to remember I have not been hurt because I can never be hurt and no one can attack me in Reality. If I continue to hold the false belief that I could be hurt or attacked and then say, “I forgive you,” (implied — for what you have really done to me), I am just confirming the guilt, attack, and fear that stems from this false belief. I am still holding on to the belief.

The only way to forgive is to ask myself, “If at this moment, that event did not happen, what would I be doing?” The answer is simple: I am happy because that fear is gone. My next step is to reflect that happiness, which brings me peace. ACIM tells us:

Pardon is always justified. It has a sure foundation. You do not forgive the unforgivable, nor overlook a real attack that calls for punishment. Salvation does not lie in being asked to make unnatural responses that are inappropriate to what is real. Instead it merely asks that you respond appropriately to what is not real by not perceiving what has not occurred. If pardon were unjustified, you would be asked to sacrifice your rights when you return forgiveness for attack. But you are merely asked to see forgiveness as natural reaction to distress that rests on error, and thus calls for help. Forgiveness is the only sane response. It keeps your rights from being sacrificed. (T-30.VI.2)

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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