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April-June, 2005

Moving Toward My Real Home

by Rev. Christine Anderson, O.M.C.

In 2003, at the age of 89, my mom decided to sell her house and enter a community of people her own age. I think that this took a lot of courage on her part. She no longer wanted the responsibility that comes with the upkeep of a house. My brothers and I worked together to find a place to her liking and helped her make the move to the senior residence.

I had mixed feelings about her new venture. I had an ego script that was telling me I must have done something ‘wrong’ to be out of the job of being mom’s caretaker. We had been living together for more than three years and it saddened me to realize that this time may be over. But I was also happy that she would be in a safer environment with no stairs to climb and would have many interesting experiences with new friends.

As I look back on this, I realize that I was thinking like a frightened child. I made that house special. I made mom special. I had counted on living the rest of my life there. My inner doubts screamed, “I want it my way! I want to stay here and be safe in this house with my mom. I don’t want anything to change!” I didn’t have a clue as to Spirit’s new plan for me, which was just awaiting my willingness to open my mind to it.

But I was asked to leave the home of my earthly beginnings. “Abandonment, abandonment!” shrieked the ego. The Holy Spirit whispered softly, “Peace, my child. You are always safe at home in Love, your eternal Home where there is no beginning and ending.” I was being given a great opportunity to practice going to the Holy Spirit over and over again to stay at peace. I was reminded that the changes taking place in the dream world of form would have no bearing on the reality of the changeless Love of God, which has nothing to do with form.

We siblings emptied out the family home of all of the stuff that accumulated over six decades. Many times emotions would bubble up in us about the family home being sold. No more seeing mom there. No more family gatherings there… yadda, yadda, yadda! Of course, the ego’s position on this situation was, “Let me use this to prove separation is real.” These times would continue to be perfect opportunities to tune in to Holy Spirit for reassurance that we are never really in lack of any kind. “I can’t wait to see the good that is going to come from this” became our motto.

There were also times when we didn’t feel motivated to go over to work at the house. One of us would call the other to whine and moan. Then we would join in opening to Spirit’s helpfulness with a prayer over the phone and then again when meeting at the house. Our energy level would then increase and we would feel more joyous. We would return to the task with more enthusiasm.

Mom has been in her new home for more than a year now. I moved to a lovely new home where I enjoy having miracle study groups. My weekly visits with mom are becoming more love filled as I continue to open to the Love within and remember to see this Love in mom. We talk about family and what is going on in our lives. She attends chapel every Wednesday and remembers all of us on her prayer list. She says that she would not know what to ask for so she mentions all of us to the Father and, in faith, leaves the rest up to Him.

It took me years to learn this for myself and here it is being modeled by my own mother. When we visit she brings half-sandwiches and other goodies from the dining room for us to eat. She says they feed her too much. When I come to visit, the first thing after greeting each other is the announcement of the menu! This is one of the ways she shows her love. Mom is happy to see her children’s hungry appetite satisfied. It gives a mom peace to see her children fed. This symbolizes to me how happy God is to see His children fed with spiritual food from His banquet table of Love offered in each now moment to all of us.

When it is time to go, I put on my coat and she walks with me to the door with her walker. On one particular occasion, we gave each other a hug and said, “I love you.” After taking a few steps down the hall to go to the parking lot, I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit say, “Go back.” I followed the prompting and went back.

Mom hadn’t gotten very far and when I reentered the doorway, our eyes met and our hearts connected. No words were said because none were needed. It was a holy moment to be sure. I cupped her face in my hands and in that moment all earthly identity fell away and we saw the Christ in each other. It felt to me that we were being embraced by the most loving and soft Presence — a Presence that knew both of us, but not as separate, only as one. This holy moment has given me such peace. I used to agonize over mom ‘staying in the body’ until she knew what Love was and that she was loved. In that one moment was all of Heaven, eternity, all that is. This moment continues to be a healing balm in our ongoing holy relationship.

In the most recent course at Pathways of Light, I was reminded that when Love is extended, it is accepted in perfect timing. In years gone by, I tried too hard to love others and had expectations about how others should receive my love. I always looked for proof of others receiving my love. I looked for certain outcomes. Expectations of certain outcomes are just hidden agendas of the ego which interfere with the recognition that Love is always received.

As I continue to open to the Love of the Holy Spirit, I let go of the idea of a separate me, a personal me, a special love with conditions. I open to the greater Love that embraces all of us, includes everyone, and leaves no one out. I experience being Love. There is nothing to do but extend the Love I am, knowing with full faith that the Love extended has been received at some level and will be accepted when Love is seen as a blessing and not a curse. As each of us is ready to receive Love, we will see the Love that has always been there.

All the dynamics of the moving story that the ego would use to make me unhappy, given over to Spirit for healing, have become lights on my path toward Home. And we truly do go Home together.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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