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July-September, 2016

Recognizing Separation

by Rev. Maria Kingsley, O.M.C.

Why is it so difficult to see how we are following the ego? I can recognize that I have fear, that I don’t like what my life looks like. I can let go of individual instances where I chose to stay in fear, but I did not know exactly what it was that made me choose that. I got a better understanding of it recently.

I have been working on individual instances where I had chosen to project, attack, hide or deny what was really happening. I was able to forgive others and myself for my thoughts and actions that I knew were not very good, to say the least. But, ego stuff kept creeping up, and I really wanted to get to the very bottom of this. This is what happened next:

I wanted to bring good hearing back into my left ear. It had been blocked for years, and it bothered me because I had to turn my head to hear with my other side, my right ear. I decided to listen very carefully what the Divine Guidance had to say about it. Recently, during a meeting, we listened to a CD that was spoken by Jesus through a channel, and we also followed the text in the book. I noticed how I perceived differently while listening than when reading. It seemed my hearing led me to my emotional state, while reading, eyesight perception, led into the intellectual understanding. This was interesting. So, I pursued the emotional content of my hearing. I asked for guidance to get clarity on this.

And what came up was my relationship with my father. I had always judged him harshly for bragging and acting very selfish and egocentric. I hated that and had that attitude all my life. And I had the attitude: I don’t want to hear it anymore, I just won’t listen to his bragging. But, what I received was pretty ‘eye-opening’ to me. I know I received Guidance here. And so I applied the principle of: what I see in others I have within me. Upon honest examination I had to admit that this energy was within me. But, it was the opposite expression of that of my father’s. As children will often do, what we don’t like in our parents, we will rebel against and do the opposite. And so I had employed this deceptive device of the ego but had not recognized the deception until now. Wow. This did not feel good at all. I was amazed that after all this work for years of looking at my relationship with my father, I never really saw how my emotional judgment was really what I had made up in my own mind, and it was MY Problem, not his. I had been able to forgive him and myself for specific instances before, but this was a greater insight. It showed me that my father had played a role in my life which helped me to learn to see my own small self, and further that to go beyond and see the power that we both have as Loving Spirits. This did not hurt or change our true Beingness, and so it is all a game we were playing. I can now — after I regain my composure from the shock — laugh about it.

I looked at it with astonishment. Wow again. I had hidden this perception and reversal from my little mind and pretended all these years that it was my father who was the culprit. Yet, it was me who was hiding from life, thinking how wonderful it was that I was not bragging about me like my father was. And then I realized another awesome thing: I recognized that the ego is a thought system that I had accepted. I could actually see the ego’s thought system, and the separation, as outside of the Oneness, a separated way of seeing the world. I had apparently gone beyond the individual instances where I had used fear and attack, and had undone them. For years I looked within to find every instance of where I experienced fear or attack or judgment, and let it go. I was clear I did not want them. But now I could see this ‘system’ as the separation I accepted so early on and had used it, lived with it, applied it and believed it. Now I can see it clearly. It is low energy, and I choose to no longer be on that level.

This does not mean that there will be no ego thoughts within my mind. But I can apply right perception to any situation; I can choose what I truly want; I can discern whether I come from fear or love. And I always have the Oneness, the Holy Self, my Divine Guidance, right there to ask and to honestly search for an answer when I need it. As for my hearing — I expect this left ear to come back to ‘normal’ because there is no longer a reason to not hear, to turn a deaf ear to something that is within me. I trust it will happen in time.

I am so grateful for all the Help that is available, from sources like ACIM and other books that have recently been brought into this world. And I am also extremely grateful for every step away from this separating thought system that brings me back to the Truth, to the Love that I Am, and to true Reality with the Help of True Source. Once that connection is made, and can be sustained, there is nothing to fear, there is no doubt, and there is no need for judgment or attack. It all just IS. It is the Joy of Living fully and freely. I hear the Happiness in the Oneness and I join with It. Thank you.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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