Miracles News

July-September, 2010

The Journey to Ordination

Rev. Barbara Siegel

image The first time I was introduced to A Course in Miracles, I felt there was no way that I, a Jewish woman, could possibly study this book. First it was channeled by Jesus, secondly it talked about the Holy Spirit, and perhaps most difficult, it kept referring to Christ. Even saying the words Jesus, Holy Spirit and Christ made me feel I was betraying my entire Jewish heritage. At this point in my naivety, I thought G-d would “punish” me if I studied such a thing. So, I put it down. 

Looking back, I realize that I had been on a journey seeking G-d since I was young. I liked praying even as a little girl. As I grew older, I would go to synagogue with my grandfather. I felt special sitting with him and praying. In the Jewish tradition, he was considered to be from the tribe of the ancient rabbi’s, so, I figured, I must be, too. I could see that women did not seem to have much of a role in the ceremonies, but I brushed that aside.

Then something profound happened, my mother died when I was 16. As was the tradition, the rabbi came to our house and special prayers were said for her morning and night for 6 days. Even though this was my mother, I, as a female, was not allowed to be part of the group that said the prayers. I think on an unconscious level, this was the beginning of my search for a more “spiritual” approach to G-d, one that would not be ruled by dogma.

After the death of two premature babies, I went through a phase of being very angry at G-d. My turning away from G-d went on for several years, but the tug to come back was very strong. I searched within reformed Jewish congregations and transcendental meditation, but could not find the spiritual connection I was looking for. 

By 1990, I was on my third marriage and living in St. Louis, Missouri. Friends introduced me to Science of Mind, a spiritual philosophy developed by Earnest Holmes. I was very involved in the teachings, but something still did not “Feel” right.

Then, I met a woman who was to change my way of thinking about A Course in Miracles, a teacher and therapist named Ruth Hanna. I took an introductory class Ruth gave on the Course at the local junior college and joined her study group which included many other Jewish students.

I also read Return to Love by Marianne Williamson and subscribed to her weekly tapes. I was surprised when I heard a Christian student say that they had trouble with the Christian language in A Course in Miracles. I didn’t realize how much the Christian organized religion had used the Christian terminology to induce fear and guilt. I thought the people coming from a Christian background would feel very comfortable with Course language. It was a real “Ah ha” moment when I realized that we all had to adjust our previously conceived interpretations of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Christ. 

Terminology aside, the philosophy of the Course truly hit home. Yes! I did feel separated and a “victim,” and attack thoughts went through my mind from morning to evening. I wanted to find G-d, but had never realized how much my ego and the stories it told me over and over were in the way.

Within a few years of finding Ruth and this wonderful study group, we had to relocate to Scottsdale, Arizona for my husband’s career. I could not find an ACIM study group that I resonated with, but by word of mouth, G-d lead me to perhaps the greatest teacher I have ever had the privilege to study with, Michael Shapiro, a brilliant teacher and musician of mystical Judaism.

For the next six and a half years, I would study with Michael and his group of followers two to three times a week. I had no idea that there was so much spirituality in Judaism. Michael talked about ego, sin, and forgiveness, much in the same way as A Course in Miracles talked about them (without the Christian terminology, of course). He talked about illusions, mindfulness, and our eternal selves. He talked about loving G-d and G-d’s great Love for us. 

Michael had studied for years in Israel, something I certainly could not do at this point in my life. But one day, I felt pulled to pick up A Course in Miracles again. I realized, this is something I can study.  The philosophy is the same. It truly did seem like a miracle. I would read the Course on Monday morning, and Michael, with no knowledge of what I had read, would “coincidentally” talk about what I had read in his class on Monday night. This happened time after time. I knew I had to look beyond terminology and read the essence of the Course as this seemed to be the essence of all the spiritual paths I had knowledge of. 

I was now 64 years old. I had years of college, but no degree. I wanted to finish my degree, but not in a traditional manor. I looked up “Spiritual College” on the internet, found Pathways of Light, and started the course work to ordination. It has been a profound journey of weaving together my life experiences and the teachings of all my wonderful life teachers with great emphasis on the extraordinary teachings of Michael and, of course, Jesus.

I finished my course work and was ordained on May 16, 2010 at age 66. I give you my biological age to say it is never too late. I still work on forgiveness and seeing the true Self in everyone. With practice, it has become much easier and peace is my priority.

My e-mail and web site address are Btheblessing. In my reading of A Course in Miracles a few days ago, it came to me that the true blessing is seeing the innocence in each person I interact with, their true Self. May we all be the blessing.

Rev. Barbara Siegel is a Pathways of Light minister living in St. Louis, Missouri.
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