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October-December, 2016

The Toilet Paper Transgression

by Rev. Robin Singler, O.M.C.

At the beginning of this year, I re-affirmed my commitment to healing my mind through the teachings of the Course, and the journey has been a continual, if not painstaking, process of digging deeper into ego beliefs and releasing them. Redoubling my efforts to heal my mind with the Holy Spirit has been a wonderful blessing filled with ups, downs, revelations and setbacks, similar, I am sure, to what others experience as awareness of the ego thought system increases in our minds.

In the past couple of months, I have become increasingly more sensitive and aware of the on-going barrage of ego belief thoughts and the tension and confusion they bring. The chaotic swirl of damning thoughts can be overwhelming; one moment I am fantasizing about the future, and the next I am attacking a brother or a present situation, getting wrapped up in fear and feeling justified in my attacks.

Recently, I was sitting at my desk at work so overcome with these thoughts that I had to stop my work and journal about them and the anxiety they were causing. I noted that my True Self must be pretty “effing” strong and stable to hold up against the barrage of ego BS that obscures it all the time, and I asked desperately for Holy Spirit to help me in that moment of panic.

As I was writing this plea for help, a co-worker walked to the bathroom that is right next to my office and started yelling profanities. “WTF? Who used the bathroom last? Who didn’t replace the toilet paper roll; are people that effing lazy??” Hoping to get her to pipe down quickly, I responded immediately that I didn’t know who used the bathroom last. But as the moment passed, I remembered that I was the one who used the bathroom last, and had simply forgotten to replace the roll for the next person. So, I was the guilty one!

I covered my mouth to quiet my raucous laughter at this ridiculous scenario as it all became so clear: This was a perfect illustration of ego projection of guilt. Forget you made up the world to project a false belief, and then blame the false world for the pain it causes you. Someone had made a simple mistake, but not to the ego! A toilet paper transgression is always a just cause for guilt, right? And isn’t my mistaken belief in separation from my beloved creator the same simple mistake that this toilet paper episode represents? What my lovely co-worker didn’t know is that I had made a simple error that the ego belief system was judging as a sin worthy of damnation, resulting in the expression of explosive anger. But this seemed awfully familiar to me due to my mindfulness practice, and it all made perfect sense.

In that moment of realization and laughter, the tension that had been building inside me was released and I was able to see right through the chatter of ego nonsense, thanks to my Brother’s bout of toilet paper rage. I bless her for showing me the innocence beyond all the trivial forms I perceive with my body’s senses, and I thank myself for forgetting to replace the roll so that the healing circumstance could occur. There is truly a divine purpose to all the silliness around us. There is always a reason to attack according to the ego belief system, but that’s okay, because each reason for attack can always be used to step back, call on Holy Spirit within, and receive healing relief. Praise God for that!

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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