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January-March, 2015

The One About Fidelity

by Rev. Stephan Mead, O.M.C.

A friend of mine called the other day and asked if I’d be willing to have a conversation with him about fidelity, specifically marital fidelity. Me, being without ego didn’t wonder for even a second if the conversation was going to have anything at all to do with me. (Ha, just kidding.) Anyway, the conversation didn’t have anything to do with me, as my friend was looking for some help, some clarity, a way of “seeing’ his present circumstance other than he was sleeping with a married person and therefore was absolutely guilty, and rightfully so, filled with shame.

The real problem as my friend saw it, was they were in love with each other, a “true” love, “soul mates,” and how could God punish them if all they wanted to do was love each other? And, what kind of God would even allow them to fall in love — only to make them suffer? Finally my friend said he believed deep down that experiencing the joy their love was providing them couldn’t be bad, could it?

“Am I destroying the fidelity of their marriage?” my friend asked. “How can such a deep love we share be considered so wrong by everyone else?” At this point I interrupted, “Let me think about it for awhile and I’ll call you back” I said. “Thanks Steve, you are the smartest, wisest person I know!” (Ha, just kidding again, that wasn’t said.)

“Fidelity.” That was the word that seemed to stay in my mind. But what do I really know about fidelity, and what was I going to tell my friend? I looked the word up in the dictionary, FIDELITY (n) Faithfulness to a person, cause or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support. Then I wondered if the course, (ACIM) had anything to say about it. I found “fidelity” is mentioned five times in the course. Twice in chapter six, and three times in chapter 13. I read the paragraphs, more out of curiosity than seeking guidance, because I had already decided how I was going to counsel my friend.

“Fidelity to premises is a law of mind, and everything God created is faithful to His laws.” (T-6,IV.11:3)  And, “The guilty always condemn, and having done so they will still condemn, linking the future to the past as is the ego’s law. Fidelity to this law lets no light in, for it demands fidelity to darkness and forbids awakening.” (T-13.IX.1:2)

Keeping in mind my friend wasn’t asking me about my experiences with fidelity, (which would have been a story of not being faithful in two marriages) but how can the impossible situation be reconciled? My friend has no familiarity with ACIM (yet), but is a long time member of a twelve step program I am also in. We are promised in the text book of our program many things, a couple being, “the right answer will always come — if you want it.” and, “deep down inside” is where you’ll find it.

From my studies with Pathways, specifically course 2000: Accessing Inner Wisdom, I found much help personally. I also have seen others helped when I’ve been asked to facilitate the exercises from this course. I phoned my friend back, described the path to actually access the very questions that were being asked, and asked if doing them would be of interest. “You mean there is a spiritual exercise we could do right now that may clear up all these conflicting thoughts in my mind, and we could do it right now?” Was the next question. I said, “yes!” Plus I added, “what do you have to lose by trying?” There was a long pause, my friend thanked me profusely, and said maybe it was worth a try, maybe soon, maybe real soon, but just not right now.

As our call was terminated, I thought of “fidelity,” fidelity to the ego! “The ego rewards fidelity to it with pain, for faith in it is pain.” (T-13.IX.2:3) I also want to mention that it felt really good (peaceful) that I didn’t have to counsel/direct/suggest any actions my friend might take based on what my ego was telling me — a win-win situation — isn’t that just like the Holy Spirit!

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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