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April-June, 2010

The One About My World

by Rev. Stephan Mead

In the world of form, I am a general contractor. These past few years, business has been very good. In fact, until this fall I can’t remember a single day when I didn’t have work for my company. I had plenty of money and was able to spend it without concern for the future. A couple of months ago business seemed to have just dried up and my efforts to secure new projects were failing.

At first, I was not too worried about the financial impact of no income coming in. I would reassure myself that “all is as it should be,” and, “this is a time for trust and faith.” Holding those thoughts presented no real difficulty because of what I had in savings, and, I am usually a very optimistic person. How quickly things can change!

In one week, I received letters from the department of revenue of my state and from the IRS. While they seemed to have been entertained by my last filed returns, their auditors came up with dramatically different amounts in the column titled, “amount owed.” After writing checks to cover just a small portion of this new debt, My reserve funds were depleted and, on my desk was a stack of bills that I hadn’t even opened yet.

OK, forget what I said about being an optimist. I was angry, scared and filled with a sense of, “this just isn’t fair!” Plus, if I really wanted to be honest in this story, I would share with you that I felt persecuted and singled out to be destroyed by the government. In a very brief moment of sanity, I asked the Holy Spirit to show me how I might see my situation differently, to see it in a way where I could be at peace. With all the willingness I could muster, I gave the Holy Spirit one second to comply with my request. What came from my demand was that I had rent due the next day and no way to pay it. Thank you Holy Spirit!

I am studying the workbook lessons, beginning to end, for the seventh time in as many years. The experience I am having with them now is so different and so much more personal. In A Course in Miracles lesson 10, “My thoughts do not mean anything,” has been extremely challenging, because I realized that to me, my thoughts mean everything! I just could not get myself out of the funk I was in.

What happened was that I decided to share the insane thoughts that were now dominating my life with my dear friend, fellow course student and ex-wife. “You will see your value through your brother’s (ex-wife’s) eyes.” (T-25.VI.8:1) With her help and a day of quiet meditation, I felt renewed and ready to be led once again.

Almost immediately, I was hired to do a major kitchen remodel. Everything was looking up! Once again, all would be well! (Now that the money was flowing.) My whole sense of security and purpose was on track. Yes! The form of my life was how I wanted it. I was in control!

“Seek not escape from problems here. The world was made that problems could not be escaped.” (T-31.IV.2:5-6)

Those familiar to the Course, won’t be surprised that this particular passage came up next in my reading. After the initial thought that, “This can’t be right; Jesus must have made a mistake.” I had a good laugh. I actually smiled my way into a place of sanity. My ego belief that deep, deep down, I know what I need to be happy, was exposed as the lie it is. My experience became available to me. I don’t know how to manufacture a peaceful and happy life. Why isn’t that fact completely accessible at all times to me? So, the form of my life continues… and with total gratitude, I can spend much more time in the content! Peace to you, and Peace to me!

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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