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Study of the Text 1-14-13

1-14-13
5 The children of God are entitled to the perfect comfort that comes from perfect trust. Until they achieve this, they waste themselves and their true creative powers on useless attempts to make themselves more comfortable by inappropriate means. But the real means are already provided, and do not involve any effort at all on their part. The Atonement is the only gift that is worthy of being offered at the altar of God, because of the value of the altar itself. It was created perfect and is entirely worthy of receiving perfection. God and His creations are completely dependent on Each Other. He depends on them because He created them perfect. He gave them His peace so they could not be shaken and could not be deceived. Whenever you are afraid you are deceived, and your mind cannot serve the Holy Spirit. This starves you by denying you your daily bread. God is lonely without His Sons, and they are lonely without Him. They must learn to look upon the world as a means of healing the separation. The Atonement is the guarantee that they will ultimately succeed.

I am a child of God. I have been created perfect and have been provided with everything I could possibly need. I lack nothing. I am loved, deeply and completely. I am worthy of all that I have been given. Nothing can change this. I am entitled to perfect comfort. All of this is mine, but to know this, and so to experience this, I must trust. To know it perfectly requires perfect trust.

When I try to comfort myself I am not trusting in God, and so I block the perfect comfort I am entitled to. How do I try to comfort myself? I look for someone to make me feel ok about myself. I try to prove I am ok by doing good works, by standing out from other people, by over achieving. I try to prove that I am worthy of God by sacrificing myself for Him.

I try to comfort myself by providing for the body, buying it pretty clothes and adorning it with jewelry, housing it in as much luxury as I can afford. I comfort myself with entertainment, books, movies, and other diversions. I use other people to keep it company and to prove the body is valuable as they cater to it and esteem it.

I try to comfort myself by providing security. I eat well to keep the body going longer and in better shape. I take it in for check-ups every year. I fortify the body with vitamins and give it medicine. I walk it around and exercise it occasionally. I try to make plans for its care as it gets older. I keep it in secure places with lots of locks so no one will hurt it. I even provide security for the things that I use to comfort the body so that these things will always be there, and the body will never lack.

And when all my hard work and effort comes for naught, which it must eventually do, I console myself with whatever thing I think might bring me solace. I take a pill, have a drink, cry on a shoulder, find someone to blame, even rant at God for failing me. This is so much work and at its best and most effective, falls far short of perfect, and never approaches dependable.

Trust is the solution. Perfect trust is the perfect and final solution. Only trust can bring me true comfort. And for this I do nothing. Comfort is given me because I am entitled to it. With all my efforting and willfulness, I have cut myself off from my comfort and have made myself afraid of that which will save me. I am in the peculiar position of having to convince myself to transfer my trust from the ego, which is not trustworthy, to my Creator Who is wholly trustworthy.

The solution has been given me in the Atonement. I know what to do with it. I know that the Atonement, to work perfectly, needs to be at the Altar, at the center of me, directing my awakening. I know that the Atonement is the way I become whole. I forgive the idea that I could ever be separate from my brothers and sisters, and that we could be separate from our Creator.

With the Atonement in the center of me, at the altar, the meeting place of God and His Son, all thoughts become purified as they pass through. What is not truth is removed, what is not real is left behind, and only love remains. It is simple and effortless. It is inevitable. What God created cannot be undone.

While I do this, while in the process of deciding for God, it doesn’t feel effortless. It sounds so lofty and so lovely when I talk about it, but when I am actually doing this, it doesn’t feel sweet and inevitable. It feels like work. It feels difficult. It sometimes feels like I can’t do it at all. But what I have discovered is that all the work and effort is an illusion. It appears hard because my trust is weak and unreliable and because in my fear and uncertainty, I judge everything I do.

I have done the hard part. I have placed the Atonement at the center. Now everything has to pass through the forgiveness process. What makes it seem hard is that as it passes through, the ego judges it. I should not have done this. I am guilty for that thought. I feel shame for some behavior. It makes me want to hide these thoughts instead of looking at them and letting them be forgiven. And so I go back to comforting myself. I eat some chocolate, or call a friend, or read a novel. I do this until I come to my senses and return to the source of my true comfort.

Holy Spirit, help me to look at my thoughts without judgment. Help me to remember that judging is your job. I know that you will judge right, and that your judgment will always be that the Son of God is innocent. Help me let go of my judgments about myself and others, and to remember to accept your judgment instead. I am lonely for God and want to be comforted.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-11-13

1-11-13
2 A major step in the Atonement plan is to undo error at all levels. Sickness or “not-right-mindedness” is the result of level confusion, because it always entails the belief that what is amiss on one level can adversely affect another. We have referred to miracles as the means of correcting level confusion, for all mistakes must be corrected at the level on which they occur. Only the mind is capable of error. The body can act wrongly only when it is responding to misthought. The body cannot create, and the belief that it can, a fundamental error, produces all physical symptoms. Physical illness represents a belief in magic. The whole distortion that made magic rests on the belief that there is a creative ability in matter which the mind cannot control. This error can take two forms; it can be believed that the mind can miscreate in the body, or that the body can miscreate in the mind. When it is understood that the mind, the only level of creation, cannot create beyond itself, neither type of confusion need occur.

I found this paragraph a little confusing at first so I am going to look at it closely. The first sentence says that the Atonement plan is to undo error at all levels. That is especially reassuring to me because I was, for a long time, confused about that. I thought that there was something wrong with expecting or wanting the effect, or the level of form, to change. Only fairly recently have I realized I was mistaken about this. All levels are to be undone.

The other statement which helps me to understand this idea of correction on all levels is that all errors must be corrected on the level that they occur, and also that only the mind is capable of error. So it is always the mind that must be healed, but the healing of the mind facilitates correction at the level of the physical, because all levels are to be corrected. I don’t have to worry about the body because it only responds to the mind, so heal the mind and the body will be healed.

The reason I get sick is because I am confused about this. There is a belief in the mind that the body can be creative and that something can happen within the body or any matter, and that the mind has nothing to do with it. In the past I believed that what happens to the body cannot be controlled by the mind. This is a very deep belief and even as I come out of that belief, it still tends to affect my thinking on more subtle levels.

I still believe that bacteria and viruses, for example, act independently of the mind. This means I must somehow protect the body against them using other forms of matter to do this (antibiotics, chlorine, Lysol, etc.) This completely overlooks the truth that the bacteria and virus are the product of the mind, just as is the body. The mind made the body and made the bacteria. Another way to think of this is that the body is in the mind, the bacteria is in the mind, and the error that matter (bacteria and body) acts on its own and cannot be controlled by mind is the cause of the physical symptoms.

This must be why Spirit has been urging me to remember that everything is in my mind. I have been practicing this with my Ambien, and with my headache pills. I have, through earlier practice watched as a lot of pain disappeared, but I was still taking the pain pills for headaches and sometimes for achiness or muscle tension at the end of the day.

For some reason I have decided to exempt these things from the idea that pain is not real. Of course I know this can’t be true, but I just let it slide rather than working with it. Now it seems that it is time for that to change. Also, even though I have proven to myself over and over that I no longer have the symptoms of sleep deprivation when I have insomnia (again through the practice of these principles) I still return to the idea that I need to sleep and to get a certain amount of sleep.

Very recently the thought came to me to use these two pills as a way to further practice the idea that all things are in my mind and that there is only an illusion of control outside my mind. One night when I was deciding whether I should take an Ambien, I had the clear thought that the body is in my mind and so was the idea that I could not sleep, and that maybe I would like to use this differently, to heal the error in my mind rather than to try to control the effect in the body. The idea extended to the pain pills as well.

I have done a lot of work with the idea that there is no pain and have seen the proof that the pain was not in the body but in my mind, and seen the pain disappear as I learned to believe this. Now I am watching the same thing happen with the sleep problems. I saw a lot of resistance to this idea in my mind but I am doing it anyway.

This is not a stubborn willfulness on my part, and in fact when, one night I felt trepidation about not sleeping and was sitting there thinking something like, “I will not take that pill!” I realized I should take it. I knew this should not become a battle in which the ego was determined to win. That was clearly not the point. I also noticed that night that I felt fear at the idea of not taking the pill. I only barely noticed it so I must have been hiding that from myself. I guess it didn’t fit my idea of the spiritual person I am to feel fear about it.

I am very excited about this next step in remembering the truth. Taking the pills or not taking them is not the point. What I am learning through this practice is that the mind is the only creative power in this world we made, and that it does not create beyond itself. So I look at the body and the world to see what I have believed that is contrary to this truth. Having seen and acknowledged the error, I return to the cause, which is mind, and forgive the thought that there is any creative power outside my mind. I ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking on this.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-10-13

1-10-13

IV. Healing as Release from Fear
1 Our emphasis is now on healing. The miracle is the means, the Atonement is the principle, and healing is the result. To speak of “a miracle of healing” is to combine two orders of reality inappropriately. Healing is not a miracle. The Atonement, or the final miracle, is a remedy and any type of healing is a result. The kind of error to which Atonement is applied is irrelevant. All healing is essentially the release from fear. To undertake this you cannot be fearful yourself. You do not understand healing because of your own fear.

The sentence that really pops out for me is, “All healing is essentially the release from fear.” What this means to me is this. If I have a cold, I am healed as I let go of fear. If I don’t have enough money, I am healed as I release fear. If my relationship is in trouble, or if I lack the relationship I think I need, I am healed as I release fear. If I am emotionally or mentally disturbed, I am healed as I release fear. If I grieve, I am healed as I let go of fear.

It is no different if I am directing my prayers toward myself or someone else. If my child is sick, my friend in trouble, or the world is going to hell in a hand basket, I am healed as I release fear. And as I am healed, I heal. Nothing is required of me to be a healing force, other than a healed mind, and the mind is healed as fear is released.

The ego would have me get into the story and find a solution, or to pray for the solution that the story seems to demand, but healing is forgiveness, the recognition that there is nothing to forgive, and healing occurs naturally when the mind is healed of fear. So the story is irrelevant to the healing.

I heal as I release fear. I cannot effectively pray for you if I am in fear because I don’t understand healing. In that moment of fear I am confused and don’t know what I ask. Sometimes I am asked to pray for someone else and I notice that I cannot do so because every time I think of their problem, I realize it is my problem, too. I believe in their problem because it has a place in my mind. If I believe in their problem how can I pray for their release?

If my fear is triggered by someone else’s problem, here is what I do. I acknowledge the fear. I give the Holy Spirit all the willingness I have to release that fear and ask for His help. I rest in the certainty that healing always occurs to the degree I am willing to accept it. I repeat as needed, however many times that is. Each time I repeat, I become more willing to allow healing. When my fear has been released, I know that the “other” has been healed as well, and my certainty is my prayer.

One of the things I have noticed is that when I acknowledge the fear in my own mind and give my willingness to be healed, the ego offers me guilt for having the fear to begin with. I start the day off rejoicing in my sinless mind, and then as soon as I am tempted by fear I pick it up. The ego voice says something like this. I don’t deserve healing. It is hopeless. The ego then offers me many scenarios to prove I have so much to fear. This is the ego’s job. It is a fear monger and it writes stories, endlessly it writes stories.

Now I have a choice. I can fall into this old trap and follow the stories in my mind and get deeper and deeper into fear and guilt. Or I can acknowledge the guilt and fear in my mind once again, and again, ask for help in releasing them. Jesus has said he will not take our fear from us, but he will strengthen us as we let them go. I accept that fear and guilt have deep roots in my mind and that it may take patient repetition to achieve my release from its grip.

Another thing I have noticed is that this can be a simple, matter of fact process, or it can be frustrating and painful. The thing that decides which way it goes for me is judgment. If I judge myself for what I find in my mind, or if I judge myself for how long it takes to let it go, then I will suffer. If I notice the temptation to judge and immediately realize that this is just another ego deception and ignore it, then the process of forgiveness and healing goes rather more quickly and without so much discomfort. A prayer I often use is, “I acknowledge my thoughts without judgment.”

And here is another thing I have noticed. The longer I practice this, the easier it is and the shorter my forays into fear. But if I follow a fear story, there will always be another and another and another. Very quickly I will have lost sight of my objective and will be lost in the stories. So if I catch the story quickly and nip it in the bud, the process goes much faster and without the suffering that has been a part of it in the past. 

Jesus, my brother, you understand temptation because you experienced it in your own mind. You also know that it can be let go because you did it. I think of you standing on the hill and the ego offering you the world. I know that feeling, too. The ego offers me the world I made and the price is fear and guilt. Just accept it’s stories of fear and guilt and I can keep my illusory world and go on believing in it. Please today, Brother, lend me your strength and help me as I, like you, make my choice. Thank you. 

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-9-13

1-9-13
5 The children of God are entitled to the perfect comfort that comes from perfect trust. Until they achieve this, they waste themselves and their true creative powers on useless attempts to make themselves more comfortable by inappropriate means. But the real means are already provided, and do not involve any effort at all on their part. The Atonement is the only gift that is worthy of being offered at the altar of God, because of the value of the altar itself. It was created perfect and is entirely worthy of receiving perfection. God and His creations are completely dependent on Each Other. He depends on them because He created them perfect. He gave them His peace so they could not be shaken and could not be deceived. Whenever you are afraid you are deceived, and your mind cannot serve the Holy Spirit. This starves you by denying you your daily bread. God is lonely without His Sons, and they are lonely without Him. They must learn to look upon the world as a means of healing the separation. The Atonement is the guarantee that they will ultimately succeed.

I pretended to be less than what I am. I pretended to be that for so long that even I believed it. I sit here in the middle of a feast and suffer famine. I sit here in perfect safety and suffer fear. I sit here in Love, and feel that I am bereft of comfort. Dear God, hear my prayer. I would wake up and see what is before me, all around me, in me. I would no longer be deceived.

The perfect plan has been designed to wake me gently from my dream of suffering and sacrifice. The Atonement is in place and I but need to accept it to experience its healing effects. I forgive. I forgive over and over again until finally, I realize what it means to forgive and with that realization comes an insatiable appetite for forgiveness.

This morning everything makes me laugh. I laugh that I still must forgive this little thing and that little thing. How am I still so blind to the blazing light of truth that I still believe there is some little thing separate from some other little thing that needs forgiveness? How can I so easily forget that it is all the same?

And isn’t it hilarious that I know this and yet, Myron goes out into the world and feels attacked and put upon, and fearful and ashamed and all the other ridiculous stuff that is part of the experience of separation. And then I laugh again as I realize that I am the one who sees Myron do this so I cannot be Myron. I laugh to realize that the more I do this, the less at stake I have in this story of Myron, and the easier it is to forgive. Really, laughter just bubbles out of me with abandon this morning.

Oh Spirit, help me remember today. I mean after I leave the silence of your presence and immerse myself in the daily stuff of life in the illusion, help me remember who I am. Help me remember the purpose I have accepted. Help me remember to forgive it all. But mostly, help me remember today to laugh. When I think of the ridiculous state I am in, I must either laugh or cry. I am tired of crying and would prefer to laugh now.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-8-13

1-8-13
4 Spiritual vision literally cannot see error, and merely looks for Atonement. All solutions the physical eye seeks dissolve. Spiritual vision looks within and recognizes immediately that the altar has been defiled and needs to be repaired and protected. Perfectly aware of the right defense it passes over all others, looking past error to truth. Because of the strength of its vision, it brings the mind into its service. This re-establishes the power of the mind and makes it increasingly unable to tolerate delay, realizing that it only adds unnecessary pain. As a result, the mind becomes increasingly sensitive to what it would once have regarded as very minor intrusions of discomfort.

I can understand spiritual vision because I have experienced it at times. Here is an example. I met someone who had a serious addiction problem that kept her life in disarray. She would pull herself out of it only to fall back in. She stole and lied and used people, me included. I saw what she did and what her story looked like. I saw the need for “repair and protection” but I also saw right past her story, or through her story, to the truth of her. No matter what she did, I had no trouble seeing what was real.

I don’t know why it was that it was effortless for me to see her. If you saw the movie Avatar, you may remember how the indigenous people of the planet would look each other in the eye and say, “I see you.” It was clear they were looking past the outward appearance and connecting soul to soul. It felt to me like they were saying the Divinity in me sees the Divinity in you. This is what it felt like when I was with this woman. “I” had nothing to do with it, and I cannot make myself see in this way. It is the Divinity in me, the true part of me that sees the true part of her.

This does not always happen, at least with such clarity, but it does happen now more than it used to. Perhaps willingness has something to do with it. Maybe the more my altar is repaired and protected, the more I am able to see with spiritual vision. (I use the word “my” with a looser definition than is normal, because I don’t really mean to imply ownership, only awareness. It is the altar from my point of awareness.)

The Holy Spirit does this perfectly and in every case. He is never distracted by our errors. He sees the need for repair and protection and to the degree we are willing to allow it, goes straight to the heart of the matter. You might wonder why anyone would not allow healing. I have said many times I wanted healing but then noticed that I defend my error from that healing.

For instance, this morning I woke up with anxiety thoughts about my new house; thoughts about timing, and cost over runs, that sort of thing. I tried to set them aside to do my morning prayer and they kept popping up like unruly children who can’t stand it when mom doesn’t pay attention to them. I ask for a peaceful mind. I want a peaceful mind. But then I defend the ego mind from peace by giving my attention to the chatter in the thinking mind, by returning to the worry thoughts frequently.

Its like I order these beautiful pieces of furniture that I know will create a serene setting, but then block the entry with an ugly chaotic jumble of furniture so it is not possible for my delivery to be made. I have to clear a place for the new if I want it. My holy Delivery Man will not throw my stuff out for me. This morning when I saw what was happening, how I could not complete my prayers because of the worrisome chatter, I told Holy Spirit that I need help. I want peace above all else.

I understand the concept of needing to see how much I don’t want peace before I can really have peace, and I see that. I look at it straight in the eye, and realize that my mind is full of ego thoughts because that is what I have wanted. I invite them in and give them my attention and then act like I don’t know where they came from and don’t know why they won’t leave. But I want the peace of God.

This day I will forgive this intrusion onto my peace. I will forgive myself for inviting it. I will remember what I truly want each time I experience something that is not peace. This is the way I do my part to invite the Spirit into my mind. He will do the rest. He will come in and undo what I have done. He pays no attention to my error other than to see that repair is needed. He knows the error is meaningless and hardly worth a second glance.

The error is nothing and has no real effects, and it was only my desire to keep it that made it seem like something. Spirit was only waiting for me to choose forgiveness, and so give Him permission to help. He didn’t try to put my jumbled mess of thoughts in order or make sense of them. He simply looked past them as if they were not there, and without my desire for them holding them in place, they faded away.

Holy Spirit’s healing gaze looks past what is not real, and goes straight to the altar. He makes clear what I have obscured with my desire for something else, and once again my mind is in order and I am at peace. I still have no idea how to make everything happen when it comes to the house, but I am peaceful with not knowing. I am so grateful.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-7-13

1-7-13
3 The acceptance of the Atonement by everyone is only a matter of time. This may appear to contradict free will because of the inevitability of the final decision, but this is not so. You can temporize and you are capable of enormous procrastination, but you cannot depart entirely from your Creator, Who set the limits on your ability to miscreate. An imprisoned will engenders a situation which, in the extreme, becomes altogether intolerable. Tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limit. Eventually everyone begins to recognize, however dimly, that there must be a better way. As this recognition becomes more firmly established, it becomes a turning point. This ultimately reawakens spiritual vision, simultaneously weakening the investment in physical sight. The alternating investment in the two levels of perception is usually experienced as conflict, which can become very acute. But the outcome is as certain as God.

I was thinking about the sentence that says our Creator set the limits on our ability to miscreate. I notice the ego feels the sting of resentment when reading that. It is like a child who wants to play Superman and “flying” off the roof is just part of the play. He may be very angry that Mom won’t let him, and feel he is being unfairly restricted by her rules, but one day, in maturity, he will see the wisdom of those rules and be grateful for them.

Another way I see this is that we were created in a certain way. We were created to be free and unlimited, and so while we can play around with the idea of restrictions (that is the idea of being limited and vulnerable and separate) we cannot become that anymore than an apple can become a horse in the world. So we will inevitably stop pretending and return to our divine natures. We can dress up in bodies and make an elaborate stage set, but eventually, the play ends and the makeup has to come off as we discard the costume. We can pretend, dream, act, as if we are something we are not, but we can’t recreate our very nature.

So it is our nature to be Divine Beings and that is what we are under the disguise, and we will discard the disguise. We begin the process of doing so when it becomes too painful not to. Imagine trying to get through life blindfolded, just to see if you could do it. You might have fun, at first, trying to figure out ways to compensate. At some point, though, you will get tired of all the effort, and tired of the painful accidents of trying to maneuver without sight. Then you will want to remove the blindfold and go about life as before.

If you are studying the Course or are on some other spiritual path, you have reached that moment of decision, the moment you become determined to recover your spiritual vision, and awaken to your true nature. It has always been inevitable that you do so; it was just a matter of when. For you that time has come. If it seems hard and even painful to make the transition from imprisonment to freedom, it is only because we have one foot in both camps. We are experiencing the conflict of trying to hold onto the blindfold while also trying to remove it.

As experienced in my life it goes something like this. I am learning that my true nature is non-duality. I am strong because I am one with my brothers and with my Creator. But I hear someone say that I am special, and the ego mind preens. I think I like the person I am spending time with, but I miss my son or daughter and cannot be as happy with this person as I would be with one of them. I love the idea of living in one place but think I would be happier somewhere else.

The list is endless. I see the world in tiny bits with gaps between each separate thing, and I think one bit is better than or more important than, and I believe my happiness depends on how many of the important bits I can gather. And also on how many of the unwanted bits I can avoid. That is hardly the non-duality that I am seeking.

Suffering is the shifting back and forth that I have been doing for awhile now. I let go of the world for a little while and I feel free and glorious. Then I pick it back up and feel safer because it is familiar… for about a minute, then I long for the return of Self. Back and forth, back and forth, my mind vacillates until I tire of the conflict. And tire of it I will. That is a done deal.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 1-4-13

1-4-13
2 For perfect effectiveness the Atonement belongs at the center of the inner altar, where it undoes the separation and restores the wholeness of the mind. Before the separation the mind was invulnerable to fear, because fear did not exist. Both the separation and the fear are miscreations that must be undone for the restoration of the temple, and for the opening of the altar to receive the Atonement. This heals the separation by placing within you the one effective defense against all separation thoughts and making you perfectly invulnerable.

When I first started using forgiveness the way A Course in Miracles describes it, I would try and fail, I would use it sporadically, I would vacillate on whether to use it or not, and I would also vacillate between forgiveness to destroy and the right use of forgiveness. So it was as if the idea of forgiveness was something out there on a shelf somewhere and sometimes I would borrow it and sometimes not. When I was done with it I would put it back on the shelf until I needed it again.

I made a choice at some point to commit to the Atonement, to accept this new definition of forgiveness, the recognition that nothing was done, and to become vigilant for opportunities to use it. I still did not do this perfectly, nor did I really understand it all the time, but I was strongly committed and my decision made the outcome certain. I had decided to buy it instead of borrowing it from time to time. I got better and better at remembering to use it, and, with practice, it became more meaningful to me.

What has happened now is that I have fully embraced the Atonement and forgive is what I do. I might resist from time to time, and usually that resistance is disguised as uncertainty or doubt, but I always, in the end, forgive. Maybe the Atonement is now sitting firmly at the inner altar. I think it is. I think that is the reason it is more effective, the reason I never question the need to forgive, and the reason I no longer have trouble distinguishing between forgiveness to destroy and true forgiveness.

I also think that this is the reason that even when I am confused and experiencing doubt or anxiety or some other effect of confused thinking, I am aware of that current of truth running beneath all of it. I know it is just a matter of dipping into the truth and drinking deeply. This is the only way to quench my thirst for peace, and I know this. Even if I do try other methods for first, I know that this river of Love is my real desire.

I am still in the process of accepting this new way of living. I still become tempted by the ego voice and sometimes briefly confused by it. I still fall prey to fear and anxiety at times. I still block the joy that is in me, but always I feel it pushing gently against the walls of unworthiness the ego has erected against it. All of this happens in the ego thinking mind, and maybe I still feel enough attachment to that self that I forget I am not that.

But I see now that it is just a phase of the process and it is fading as I continue to watch my mind and turn to Spirit when I feel the ego intrusions. My friend, Alisha, gave me a journal for Christmas and I wondered what I was to write in it. Then I noticed that the newest ego defense against this inevitable turning of the tide was forgetfulness.

When I felt some form of fear or anxiety, for instance, I would notice it quickly and ask Holy Spirit to heal my mind. As the outer circumstances continued I would notice my attention returning to it and my anxiety rising again. What I usually do in that case is that once the thing is looked at and handed over, I would focus my mind on the truth instead of the ego thoughts.

Now I was coming up against this thick fog of resistance and my mind went blank. I couldn’t for those few vital moments find a single real thought. It felt very uncomfortable, and raised doubts in my mind. Eventually, everything would right itself, but in the meantime I was having these brief periods of distress, sometimes bordering on panic. The thought that Spirit gave me about my journal had to do with this situation.

I had the idea to write down my favorite and most helpful passages from the Course and NTI and study material from Pathways, really, any place it showed up. My favorite one so far is from early in the Course. Jesus says, “You can do anything I ask.” That is very reassuring and strengthens my resolve. And if the ego blanks it from my mind, I just reach for my journal. I am enjoying doing this and in doing it I am putting the ego on notice that I am no longer willing to tolerate its painful intrusions on my mind. The peace of God is all I want.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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