Together, We Light the Way

Study of Text, C 14: XI. The Test of Truth, P 3. 8-4-17

XI. The Test of Truth, P 3
3 Atonement teaches you how to escape forever from everything that you have taught yourself in the past, by showing you only what you are now. Learning has been accomplished before its effects are manifest. Learning is therefore in the past, but its influence determines the present by giving it whatever meaning it holds for you. Your learning gives the present no meaning at all. Nothing you have ever learned can help you understand the present, or teach you how to undo the past. Your past is what you have taught yourself. Let it all go. Do not attempt to understand any event or anything or anyone in its “light,” for the darkness in which you try to see can only obscure. Put no confidence at all in darkness to illuminate your understanding, for if you do you contradict the light, and thereby think you see the darkness. Yet darkness cannot be seen, for it is nothing more than a condition in which seeing becomes impossible.

Journal
I think that Jesus is telling me that I have taught myself badly in the past and that I need to let that all go. I didn’t learn anything then that will help me eliminate the darkness in my mind. I have to agree that this is true. It is different now. I have learned that I have a Teacher and He will show me what the problem is, and then He will show me the answer.

In the past, if I had a problem, I would try to figure out how to fix it. I would think about what seemed to work in the past and what didn’t work. I might read a book by an expert or ask someone who should know. Using the thinking mind to work things out is the same thing as asking the ego what the situation means and how to manipulate it to give me the results I am looking for in light of my understanding of the problem.

The reason this doesn’t work most of the time is that I asked the ego to define the problem. Now I might be working on the right problem, but the chances are I am not. For instance, my ex-husband is an alcoholic. He would make decisions while in a drunken state which led to problems. I asked the ego (or as I thought of it then, I used common sense) to figure out what the problem was and what to do about it.

Based on this ‘common sense’, it seemed obvious to me that his drinking was the reason I was so upset, so fearful and angry, and the solution was that he should stop. I worked out in my mind how to get him to do that. I used reason, and threats, and pleading, and of course, guilt. Nothing worked, and eventually, I left him thinking that this was the final solution. It wasn’t. We had a son together and so our lives are still interconnected and I had to revisit the whole problem again recently.

This time when I had to deal with him and with his alcoholism, it was very different. He was drinking at a very inappropriate time, and in a way that could be harmful to others. Because of our connection through our son, it was now in my life. At first, I was appalled and angry by his actions. But that didn’t last long, only a few minutes, really.

The reason I didn’t stay angry is that I realized that I had judged him, and this happened because I fell back on old methods of dealing with problems, probably because this was an old problem. But as soon as I saw what was happening, I changed my mind. I stopped asking the ego what the situation meant, and I asked the Holy Spirit instead.

It became very clear and obvious to me that I had no reason to expect anything else from him. He is living the story of an alcoholic and unless the alcoholic has managed their disease, then the alcoholic drinks. I realized that there was no reason for me to be angry and upset about it. I didn’t feel like judging him, and I never mentioned anything about it. My daughter and I figured out what to do about the situation to make it better and we did it.

There was only one reason the two situations were so different. In the first, I was confused about the problem. I was upset and afraid and I used the ego thinking mind to come to the conclusion that my husband was the problem. In the second, I was upset and afraid and I used the Holy Spirit to come to the conclusion that my reaction to this situation was a choice I was making, and I was the problem.

This was good, because, while I cannot change him, I absolutely can change me. I did just that as I saw that I didn’t have to react in fear and anger. I reacted from love and acceptance instead. My mind was clear and I received inspiration on how to deal with it. This is why I don’t use the darkened mind to bring light to any situation. It can’t.

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