V. The Holy Instant and Special Relationships, P 4
4 Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them. This is why they shift and change so frequently. They are not based on changeless love alone. And love, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect. In His function as interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego, as learning experiences that point to truth. Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.
Journal
Special relationships are never completely joyful. This is because there is guilt in them simply because they are special and thus not natural. Guilt triggers fear and so there is always that element as well. They shift and change because they are not based on pure love, and so they cannot be depended on.
We all have special relationships in our lives and all relationships begin as special. The good news is that the Holy Spirit will reinterpret them and they will be transformed into holy relationships if this is our desire. With the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we learn to use them as classrooms where they become lessons in love.
Here is what this looks like in a life. I have had a relationship with someone I love very much and this was a very special relationship. I cared about him more than I cared about others. I was part of his life and he was part of mine. Everything he did seemed to impact me in some way. Sometimes it was joyous and sometimes it was painful. He got both the credit and the blame. He seemed to be the cause of my feelings and so I thought I had no control over my reactions. I both celebrated him and resented him.
I studied A Course in Miracles and practiced what I studied. I learned to watch my thoughts and to do this with the Holy Spirit. He corrected them for me as I was ready, and my mind began to heal. Eventually, I become ready to give him my relationship. I did this a bit at a time, but finally, I surrendered it completely. I stopped caring who was right. I stopped defending myself. I stopped looking to him for my happiness.
The guilt began to fall away and, with it, the fear. The relationship stabilized as the love was more unconditional than it ever had been. The Holy Spirit had transformed that relationship from specialness to holiness. I still have moments of regression, but now that I see the difference between a holy relationship and a special one, I am highly motivated to ask for help.
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