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Study of Text, Chapter 11: VI: Waking to Redemption, P 3. 11-2-15

VI. Waking to Redemption P 3

Journal
Jesus says the Course is perfectly clear, and I agree with him. There was a time when that sounded crazy to me. The Course was so hard for me to understand and harder still to accept. What I discovered over time is that everything that seemed complicated and hard became simple and easy as I was ready to allow that change. I was the one making it seem difficult. I was interpreting against it and so did not believe it.

It seemed to me like I believed it, but just couldn’t do it. But I see now that I didn’t really believe it. I would read something like we were all one, and I would try to believe it. I would try to see us as one, but still hold onto the idea that we were different. I would see this one as better than another or worse. I would see some people victimizing me or others, and believe in that instead of believing in oneness.

It was a process, and it took time for me to walk through it. Each step I took brought me a new experience and that experience changed the way I saw things. It was miraculous, really. I would struggle with a letting a grievance go and it would be so hard, sometimes taking weeks or months. I had a couple that took years.

But then one day I would finally reach my tipping point. I would be so sick of feeling stressed by the situation that I would finally ask with all my heart to be relieved of this grievance. And that would be the moment that I wanted peace more than I wanted to be right, and it was just done. I was healed, and I was happy. The next one would be easier because I believed in the healing power of the Atonement more than I had before.

I have finally reached the point that my perceptions are true enough that I seldom hold onto wrong-minded thinking for very long. My experience of allowing those thoughts to be healed has led me to new beliefs, and changed perceptions. More thoughts are coming up for healing and I look on them with the Holy Spirit and I am willing to see with Christ Vision in a way I didn’t even understand before. Occasionally it still feels hard, but I am not fooled. I know it is not hard, just temporarily unwelcome.

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