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Study of Text, Chapter 13:IV. The Function of Time, P 9. 8-3-16

IV. The Function of Time P 9

9 You, too, will interpret the function of time as you interpret yours. If you accept your function in the world of time as one of healing, you will emphasize only the aspect of time in which healing can occur. Healing cannot be accomplished in the past. It must be accomplished in the present to release the future. This interpretation ties the future to the present, and extends the present rather than the past. But if you interpret your function as destruction, you will lose sight of the present and hold on to the past to ensure a destructive future. And time will be as you interpret it, for of itself it is nothing.

Journal
I have been working diligently at letting go of the idea that I must defend myself. As I look at what happens when I feel vulnerable and go on the attack, I see that I am teaching myself I am weak and that attack is my salvation. So I want to stop doing this. I also want to stop because in attacking I have made separate, and this is like walking in circles when I want to walk forward in a straight line.

My workplace has been an excellent classroom for that, and particularly one person. Monday I gave into the impulse to defend. It was very hard to back myself out of my anger. My mind said that my salvation was to justify the attack and this was making me feel worse. I finally reached a point of surrender and I accepted healing. I had hoped that it was fully healed, not to return.

Then yesterday I was talking to someone that had been my “venting buddy” someone I went to when I wanted to belly ache about what was bothering me. Automatically I started telling him what happened with this co-worker and what I said and even as I was doing it, I could hear my sane self trying to get my attention.

But it was kind of like a train wreck you can’t stop. You just look at it happening. It was weird. I am talking and at the same time thinking that I should stop talking. Then I felt bad about this. I was making the problem real in my mind again and at the same time, I was teaching dissention and judgment. I was not being a teacher for God in that moment.

The point I want to make is this. The day I attacked, and the day I vented were just ego moments occurring in the illusion of separation. I attacked. I vented. I then had a choice of what I wanted to do with this. I could undo these ideas in my mind through recognizing that I don’t like how I feel and asking for another way to see them. Or I could think about how bad I feel and worry that I never seem to get rid of the desire to defend. I could feel guilty and hopeless and helpless against my own inclination toward blame and anger.

The first choice, to simply use the story to undo the story, is the quick way to salvation. The other choice to wallow in the error is what Jesus is talking about here in this paragraph. When I do this, I am carrying the past right through the present to the future. I am keeping time in place and keeping the ego in place. As I did this, I was using time to ensure ego continuity.

The Holy Spirit uses time to heal and thus undo the need for time. This is done in the present moment, but my mind went straight from the past to the future leaving no present moment in which healing could occur. It was attack in the past, remembered and regretted and fretted over, and the battle continues as I dread having to face this in the future. I felt a powerful pull toward this option and even this morning, I feel sad about yesterday. But I am also a little saner today. Last night I asked for help. I told Holy Spirit I really want to stop doing this.

So this morning I am using the Rules for Decision to help me change my mind about this. I chose the ego this week, but that was in the past and the past doesn’t exist. I was thinking of those big street cleaners that in the early morning hours sweep away the detritus from the day before and leave everything clean. I have this big machine following me around sweeping away the past actions. Nothing follows me, nothing is left behind. A moment after it occurs it is gone.

This moment is the only moment that exists and this moment is the only one in which I can forgive. It is the only moment that I am healed. I accept healing and allow my mind to be filled with the thoughts of God and I know that I am invulnerable and have nothing in this world worth defending. I know that everyone is dreaming and, as my friend pointed out yesterday, I will be respectful of their lessons. And so I enter the next moment with a new mind, and nothing else is there. It has been swept away.

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