Together, We Light the Way

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Study of the Text, Chapter 9, I. The Acceptance of the Atonement, P 3. 12-1-14

I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 3
3 If you do not know what your reality is, why would you be so sure that it is fearful? The association of truth and fear, which would be highly artificial at most, is particularly inappropriate in the minds of those who do not know what truth is. All this could mean is that you are arbitrarily associating something beyond your awareness with something you do not want. It is evident, then, that you are judging something of which you are totally unaware. You have set up this strange situation so that it is impossible to escape from it without a Guide Who does know what your reality is. The purpose of this Guide is merely to remind you of what you want. He is not attempting to force an alien will upon you. He is merely making every possible effort, within the limits you impose on Him, to re-establish your own will in your awareness.

I would like to argue that I am ready for reality, to know the truth of what I am, to accept my own will in my awareness, and yet, it seems that I am not. I still sometimes cling to the ego will as if my own holy will were something to be avoided, to fear and to defend myself against. I can say this, though. I am no longer completely opposed to accepting reality. In fact, I am far more open to the truth than I ever have been.

It seems that this is all that the Holy Spirit needs from me. He simply needs me to allow Him to reestablish my own will in my awareness. I say this is what I want, but then I stop Him. My reality is that I am one with all my brothers, but when I get too close to that memory I choose to imagine a brother is my enemy.

I make an image of this desire and insert it in the life of Myron. Suddenly there is a story of betrayal and I am all into that story, hiding from myself that I chose it and put it there. Instead I get all confused, and spend time trying to see it differently, feeling victimized because it all seems so unfair, feeling discouraged because it all seems so hard.

I might ask how this is better than it ever was before, but you see, I know what I am doing. I might spend some time in confusion because I am afraid to admit my culpability, or because I simply don’t want to admit it,  but I know. I know it in my heart of hearts, and pretty quickly, I know it in my aware mind. I am learning not to fight this, but to relax into it and I’m learning not to judge it, just to be aware of it and remember that I don’t value the “right” to be a weak and miserable victim anymore.

I really am coming to my senses. I really am deciding for God more and more often. As I make this choice more often I become comfortable with it and my resistance is falling away. Something I have noticed is that I used to be totally focused on vigilantly watching my mind, learning to discern the ego thoughts from my true thoughts.

I used to be very focused on developing my will to see differently and to allow the Holy Spirit access to my mind. Now I don’t feel that hyper vigilance in the same way. I know that I want to wake up, and I am just learning to master that decision. There is no way I could back out of this now. I could never go back to ignorance. I could never want to.

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