Pathways of Light Miracles News, Spring '99, p.3

"Teach me, change me," a prayer I uttered in desperation in 1978, symbolized my willingness to listen to the Holy Spirit. When something came to my attention three times, I determined it was something I needed to follow up on. The money offered by my brothers for the Deep Process training with Anne Wilson Schaef, and Inner Healing through Imagery Prayer brought together two sets of healing experiences from seemingly incompatible sources. Yet both were used by Spirit to bring to my attention the origin of my choice of a false identity of worthless sinner, and a spirituality rooted in fear. I experienced the pain of rejections by my father in my infancy because I was born a girl. I then determined I was defective. There was something wrong with me I could never fix.

In a week long intensive, I awakened in the middle of the night. I had been crying in my sleep. What flashed for me was "spiritual rape." In an earlier emotional process, I screamed at an image of myself around age two or three, "Don't take it in. Don't take it in!" It referred to the taking in of my minister father's belief system involving my identity as defective and a worthless sinner. I also chose to be a 'good girl' and never disappoint my parents... as six brothers followed my birth. I assisted mother in their care and competed with them as a 'tomboy.'

The fear-based Christianity, implanted with the threats of terrible hell if you don't accept it as my father presented it, became the "rape" I experienced as I took on his identity which included fear, anger, and a depressed and negative personality. It was my survival choice.

Then Spirit allowed me to recognize my deep dependency on my minister husband of 32 years in his choice to leave the marriage. Again it brought up for healing my core issue of rejection. I continued to reject myself, locked into a false identity supported by a manifested bioneurological attention deficit, mirroring the deficit of attention at birth. Though feeling overwhelmed by a fog of confusion, uncertainty and forgetfulness, Spirit penetrated that fog with the awareness of guidance. Three times A Course in Miracles was brought to my attention. I went to a group study of ACIM. I saw the image of God I was meant to be, and my old identity began to crumble like a stack of cards. The habit patterns of behavior and thought would cling as the old self resisted such alien concepts the Course would teach of my true Identity.

In a deeply painful process of unraveling the old beliefs my father taught as my identity, words from Spirit floated into my awareness: "It doesn't matter, I matter."

Another way I am now hearing Spirit is in the guided meditations of Pathways of Light -- relaxing and going within. Spirit has sent the Angel of Joy as a gentler teacher than the pain of repressed hurts. I commit to this gentler way, which sometimes is harder to hear with it's quiet nudges. I bring the gift of attention to all the ways Spirit would direct me in the path of love and light. I now believe this truly comes from within me, the one Self. I commit to tuning into the one Self, my true Identity.

I commit to daily letting go of specialness and dependency, knowing Jeshua/Jesus is always with me as a partner and friend. I plan as Spirit directs; I let go as Spirit takes care of the details. I let go of the self doubt of the little self, which has forgotten to trust Spirit for guidance, and forgotten Who I am.

Desire... intention... allowing... surrender... These are stages of the manifestation process attributed to Jeshua/Jesus in the Jeshua Letters by Marc Hammer. I can trust my one Self to see me through from a divine idea to completion.

I acknowledge the voice of desire. Is it coming from the Voice of Love? ...from my authentic Self? Is it truly for the good of all? I ask Spirit for clarity.

Intention... Declaring my intention moves me beyond wishful thinking. I am now a part of an intention circle, with each member trusting Spirit for clarity and guidance to voice and fulfill our intentions. As a group, we recognize: 1. Our desires are in us to be fulfilled. 2. Our thoughts create our world. 3. Our intentions must serve the highest and best good of the universe as well as of ourselves and others. 4. We focus on our dreams rather than our dramas, stating in the positive our intention to manifest the opposite of a perceived lack or negative state.

Our statement of intentions is preceded by meditation and a statement of gratitude. I intend that I AM in vibrant health, is an example of an intention. After the abundance expressed by a member who followed her intention of joy, we all adopted the intention of joy. My own experience was to receive three calls for coaching in that week. In the group we also tone -- the sound of oneness, while visualizing Light carrying out our intentions into the universe.

It works with others as well. I explained the power of intention with prayerful trust to my discouraged son 4000 miles away. He was living in a hotel unable to find an apartment. The next day he said, "You must have prayed for me. I found a two bedroom apartment last night."

The allowing aspect of manifestation is to trust the process, allowing the blocks to be removed, allowing right attitude and following through with right action as Spirit directs. This involves letting go of control, nonjudgment, forgiveness of specific hurts, and release of limiting beliefs.

Surrender expectation and gratefully accept the outcome. If our asking was in error, look for the lesson... and give thanks. Through the gentle tutoring of Spirit, I am beginning to embrace and express my Essence.

Coach Jesus is the supreme model of a coach who partners with us to fulfill our vision and purpose on our earthly assignment. As I complete my certification process as a Personal Transformational Coach, I am in a debt of gratitude for my experience with Pathways of Light where the concepts of A Course in Miracles came alive. The focus on Inner Wisdom focus was a wonderful preparation for becoming a professional coach. As my fourth career, I expect that I have had more than enough formal preparation. I have finally learned through Spirit that I am enough. Spirit is always there to lead me to and through any experiential process needed for fully embracing and expressing my Essence, and partnering with others to embrace and express their Essence.

Looking at a recent conflict that I made in my experience, I'd like to share with you the lesson I received in it. It is all my dream and I put conflict in my dream to say: " I'm separate." I put fear in my dream to proclaim I'm separate from Love/God. If I did not feel fearful, I would feel the peace and joy of Love!

This is the scenario I put in my dream: I made my happiness depend on my partner sharing my goal. To me, my partner was doing exactly what the lesson of the day had asked us not to do: He wasn't following the "rules" as suggested for practicing the lesson. We had just finished reading the lesson. He wanted to turn on the TV And I wanted to quiet my mind, be still and listen to Spirit. This is not what I communicated to him. Here's my conflict -- here's my way out of peace -- ego wins! Only for a moment, for here is where I chose to see this from Holy Spirit's view. Here's my ego belief that "it's all out there." Still, I made this dream, I made that role for my partner to play. (Fear is the stranger here. A Course in Miracles, Workbook Lesson 160) My ego wants separation and independence to be real. I want peace here, I need forgiveness. My belief that I'm not lovable is reflected to me in my dream -- this is insane. Because Love does not create unlike Itself. (Love created me like Itself. Lesson 67) Denial of God's creation, denial of All, is in my belief that I'm not lovable.

Let me look at my denial and see that it is not real. Let me see my denial as the reason I'm holding onto it -- the reason that I want my dream to be true -- to believe that I "can be" independent of Love/God. To believe I have a will that is mine alone. My insanity cannot be justified. The only reason to choose insane thoughts (thoughts of separation) is to uphold the belief of separation, the belief that I split off and left God, my Source/ Creator, to believe I "made" myself. Yes, yes -- I am choosing that! Why do I want to continue this belief? Do I think that, by being independent, it will give me something "more"?? The "specialness" that God would not give me?!? Being "independent" means my choices are my own and that my choices will give me "special" value -- more than God gave me. As long as I keep valuing specialness (special favor, attention, acceptance, approval) I will not realize, not recognize, that what God has given never lessens, never devalues, never deflates. What God has given never changes -- never suffers loss, deprivation, sacrifice. My ego says this is not possible. Jesus says: "ego is not possible, not believable." My choice for specialness denies everything that is Truth.

A never ending circle of denial is what ego would keep me on, an insane world or dream is not what Love created.

Never ending Love is the truth. Am I willing to lay down my tiny, fabricated kingdom for the true Kingdom? Am I willing to let go of my dream for the happy dream that Holy Spirit holds for me? It is always in my mind, if I choose to let go of my ideas, my imagings of separate self. Let me do only this -- dear Jesus -- let me let go, release my cherished plans and images, and see them for the dust they are. Only let me do this, not alone, always with Your true Vision and certain outcome.

Healing my mind of illusions is the most "important" thing for me and I wanted my partner to feel (do and act) the same. I wanted to have his desire for healing, joining with mine. I wanted him to validate my "belief" -- my choice. So we could be "special" together -- against the insane world together. Ego certainly is ingenious! It is my insane wish for "special love" outside of God, that hides my true connection (fact) of being within God and part of All Love, All That Is.

Love has no thoughts of incompleteness. My thought of needing allegiance is a form of fear and a justification of attack. Another representation of separation. This thought I do not want. I choose again. I choose instead, I am as God created me. (Lesson 94.) The thought that I need a companion or allegiance, reflects the idea that I am alone. (Thoughts leave not their Source. ACIM, T-26.VII.4:7) I'm not alone, I have not left God.

If I simply accept the plan of forgiveness, I can be free of my illusions -- my conflict. The plan of salvation is forgiveness, letting go, canceling out my perceptions. Letting Holy Spirit cancel out my misperceptions and accepting His true perception. His gentle, holy, natural, true perception. This is His gift to me. He waits only on my asking for It and nothing else. There is no compromise in truth. His judgment is perfect -- I need never decide by myself or perceive by myself. He is the Light in which I "see." I am happy to see that my dream can be corrected in His Loving gifts, I'm willing to have truth replace my tiny, unreal thoughts of separateness.

I had a different beginning to this article but, when I began to type, Joe Mattarrazz came to mind. Any Italian from the New York Metropolitan area is now smiling.

Joe Mattarrazz was a wonderful diversion for anyone involved in an uncomfortable or distressing situation. If you found yourself in a no win discussion or situation, you would simply say "I just remembered, I have an appointment in half an hour with Joe Mattarrazz, please excuse me." If your normally cooperative child was being obnoxious in the mall, with everyone in the world looking on, you would stop, look down the length of the mall and wave, yelling "Hey, Joe, how are ya?" The child, now distracted, asks whom you were waving at and where is he. The uncooperative becomes the cooperative once again, as you point out a brown head of hair 100 people ahead of you in the mall. (I confess, I'm guilty of this one...)

What other diversions have we used during our lives? What other diversions to take us off our appointed paths? What other diversions to occupy our sponge-like minds. What other diversions to chase our dreams and visualizations away? What other diversion to.... The path is endless.

We are born to this life, on a path that will ultimately lead us Home, full well knowing our purpose. The purpose is very clear to the pure, spiritual being at birth. The purpose remains clear when we are toddlers, ever reaching and growing within our family unit.
The purpose begins to get clouded or shady as we begin to leave the hearth, venturing into society as we know it at that young life -- our neighborhood and school friends. The initial questioning of our beliefs and young philosophies begins with a simple, "What do you mean you see lights and colors and shapes when you close your eyes? You must be nuts." We steadfastly hold onto our beliefs and philosophies as youngsters. However, we stop sharing them with others for obvious reasons.

As we mature, people, circumstances and imagined needs cause diversions in our intended path Home. Our beliefs and philosophies may become buried under responsibilities which we perceive as limitations or restrictions. We may get out of touch with our beliefs and philosophies. It may seem easier to take advantage of the diversions (the "Joe Mattarrazz") than to stay solidly on our path. The path may feel as if it is quicksand and we are up to our knees. Any and all diversions are mistakenly welcome at the juncture in our lives.

That is the juncture at which we should wind up on the path Home again, knowing our true purpose, anxious to resume the easy road. Many of us do. Many of us don't. That path Home can be walked fast or slow, easy or hard, uphill or downhill. The choice is always ours. The diversions we choose to stall the journey are always temporary, because the final destination is always reached. The length is determined by our diversions.

After 35 years, I find myself at the juncture again. This time I can honestly say "I know a diversion when I see one," and Joe Mattarrazz hasn't been around for years. I am happy to be fully on the path Home in a "forward march" mode. I am happy to report my beliefs and philosophies are in place and not under attack. Suffice it to say "I am happy."

I was lying on the couch, trying to sleep. I had just come home from a hard day's work and was very tired. Our seven year old son Jesse came in from outside and was wanting an ice cream cone.

His mother told him that he couldn't have one right then because the family would be eating supper shortly.

Jesse started to cry in the kitchen, feeling lack because he didn't get what he thought he wanted, when he wanted it.

I woke up and my first impulse was to yell at him, "Jesse, shut up and let the old man get some rest. I just got home and I've had a hard day. Can't you see I'm resting?"

But before I let the words out of my mouth, I caught myself and thought, "Do I really want to repeat the same old pattern that I learned from my father? I know it won't help. It won't bring peace to either of us. He'll just keep crying. He'll be upset and I'll be upset. It has never worked before and it won't work now."

I paused, took a deep breath and relaxed. I asked Spirit to help me find a better way to handle the situation more peacefully. I found myself saying in a very calm and gentle voice, "Jesse, when you are done crying, you can come over to Daddy, and I'll give you a hug."

A minute or two went by. I didn't hear Jesse crying any more. I opened my eyes slightly and saw Jesse crawling across the room to me on the couch. He crawled up on my lap and I gave him a big hug and he gave me a big hug.

It was a wonderful healing experience. Instead of continuing the old pattern of projecting anger and fostering guilt, it was an experience of giving and receiving love.

I always feel good when I have enough sanity to do things a better way with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Sharing Your Miracle Story -- by Rev. Mary Stoelting

I recently received a letter from an “angel friend” named Hikie Dixon, from Cleveland, Ohio. She wrote that she has been guided to publish a book of stories, or testimonies of people who experienced miracles. She said that she appreciated all the wonderful miracle stories found on the Pathways of Light web site and in the Pathways newsletter. We have also heard from many others who were helped by reading the miracle stories offered by Pathways ministers and students who are applying what they are learning about healing their minds in their daily lives.

These stories come from ordinary people, like you and me, who have often struggled with letting go of old, useless thought patterns which they know are not serving them. They come from people who are learning to monitor their thoughts and be vigilant to give their thoughts of conflict and lack of peace to the Holy Spirit for a new perspective.

When we ask the Holy Spirit for help in changing our minds, new ideas spring forth which we were not aware of before. We are able to see the situation which was bothering us from a higher perspective. This enables us to see and relate to those around us in new ways. This change of mind, which comes from the Guide within, is the source of our miracle stories.

“Let your Guide teach you their [dark clouds of guilt] unsubstantial nature as He leads you past them, for beneath them is a world of light whereon they cast no shadows.” A Course in Miracles T-18.IX.8.3

This process of recognizing what is going on in our minds and turning it over to the Holy Spirit is living the words of A Course in Miracles. As each of us are willing to share our process of how our minds are being healed with each other, our learning accelerates. This joining heals the circle of fear on which the world is based. We invite you to share your Miracle Stories with us.

They may get published in our quarterly newsletter, as we have space, and we also may add them to the newsletter section of our web site: http://ww.pathwaysoflight.org.

If you choose, we will also share your miracle story with Hikie Dixon, who may publish it in her book of miracles stories. When you submit your article, indicate if you are authorizing publication in our newsletter and web site, and if you are authorizing it for publication in a miracles story book by Hikie Dixon. We would love to hear from you. We do not pay for articles, but we will send you extra copies of the publication for you to share.

Mail your submissions to: Pathways of Light, 13111 Lax Chapel Rd., Kiel, WI 53042-3954. You may also email your article to office@pathwaysoflight.org. Put the text of your article in the body of your email. Please do not send it as an attachment. Include your postal address, email address and phone number.