Forgiveness-to-destroy can also take the form of bargaining and compromise. “I will forgive you if you meet my needs, for in your slavery is my release.” Say this to anyone and you are slave. And you will seek to rid yourself of guilt in further bargains which can give no hope, but only greater pain and misery. How fearful has forgiveness now become, and how distorted is the end it seeks. Have mercy on yourself who bargains thus. God gives and does not ask for recompense. There is no giving but to give like Him. All else is mockery. For who would try to strike a bargain with the Son of God, and thank his Father for his holiness?
What would you show your brother? Would you try to reinforce his guilt and thus your own? Forgiveness is the means for your escape. How pitiful it is to make of it the means for further slavery and pain. Within the world of opposites there is a way to use forgiveness for the goal of God, and find the peace He offers you. Take nothing else, or you have sought your death, and prayed for separation from your Self. Christ is for all because He is in all. It is His face forgiveness lets you see. It is His face in which you see your own [face of innocence]. (A Course in Miracles, S-2.II.6-7)
Special relationships are always based on conditions. If the other meets our conditions, we are happy with the relationship. We may even be in “love” with the other person. But the moment the other strays from meeting our conditions, our response may range from irritation to rage. Our happiness has become dependent on the actions of another.
Both participants in the special relationship are slaves to their bargain to meet each other’s conditions. Guilt is always lurking, ready to be projected on the other for the least little whim. To keep the relationship together, we may forgive or overlook the other’s transgression, but not forget it. This is a form of forgiveness-to-destroy, for it maintains guilt’s “reality.” This is why the special relationship is central to maintaining the ego thought system.
The Holy Spirit will teach us that our only true and lasting happiness is in our eternal link with our Creator. God’s Will for us is perfect happiness. He has given us all His Love eternally. As we are willing to let the Holy Spirit be our Guide in all our relationships, we learn to let go of our demands for behavior and see past the body to the eternal Love that is the true Self we share with every brother. Now our relationships become holy as a means to join in Love and extend It instead of maintaining separation through projected guilt. This practice returns us to the freedom of unlimited Love.
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