January-March, 2009
My story begins at birth, at the age of forty-eight, when I came into the incredible awareness that God is not in the sky. The wounds and fears of past experiences had overtaken my senses. I believed I was suffering at the effect of behaviors and actions of others, hurting, blaming, angered at them for my unhappy life. I tormented myself with pity, self-inflicted low esteem, shielding myself from my own loss of being. Everyone else was responsible for my unhappiness including “God in the sky.”
I always believed God existed, gazing down, making righteous judgments. I was unaware the “I AM” resides in me and Happiness is my choice. How absurd and humorous it seems now that I believed God was choosing whom to punish and whom to love.
At my rebirth, I finally understood the Law of Consciousness. I am God’s expression. Through my humanness I reflect and project God’s attitudes and thoughts. To be loving, healthy and forgiving, I must come from the consciousness of love, health and forgiveness. If I regress in my thinking, because intuitively God’s consciousness is now who “I AM,” I know I have the power to choose when to get back into God’s Divine Flow.
The struggle of choosing to let go of all dastardly, ego blaming circumstances, fears, and demeanor was a process of spiritual cleansing. This pleasant inner act gave me a new sense of total awareness which set me free into a sea of internal peace, happiness and contentment, rejuvenating faith and self love. This gift of unconditional self-love slowly emerged from the innermost depth of my existence. I don’t recall when this realization crystallized, but I was engulfed in overwhelm. Like the innocent quality of a butterfly opening its wings for the first time when shedding its cocoon, I embraced my oneness with God remembering unconditional love, a gift which I can now authentically receive and share.
With this new found self-love, I flung into an awareness of all God’s creations, looking with amazement in the One-derment of the beauty unfolding. I see and feel all that I saw and felt before with a new texture of sensitivity from within – knowing I am manifesting God’s creative power.
This transformation is my Soul emerging with Spirit. God and I are one. There is no separation. My passion for spiritual growth is so intense, I ardently respond to my craving for knowledge so I can further understand and enjoy the Spiritual maturation which is forever creating my life anew, a never ending process. Forgiveness, responsibility, love, trust faith and gratefulness are now synonymous with my human and Spiritual existence.
How simple life is when I come from the knowing that the “I AM” eternally resides in the essence of my being. I no longer look for God and love in the sky. I simply look within.
Rev. Cathey Jo Tomilendo is a Pathways of Light minister living in Bloomfield, MI.
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