July - September, 2009
Two Healings around forgiving a partner of six years:
I had been living with a doctor in Mexico on and off for six years. Six times I left him and went to live elsewhere and all for the same reason—he just had too many other things going on in his life and I didn’t feel ‘special.’ Five times he brought me back and we got got back together. The sixth time he didn’t.
Now it was my turn to go through all the emotions of being rejected and abandoned. However, I felt justified that I didn’t leave because I didn’t love him, but because he didn’t love me enough. Conventional forgiveness would say that I have to forgive him because he is doing to me now what I did to him five times. We are both guilty of the same thing and I am projecting my angry feelings at him to relieve my guilt. At one level, this was absolutely true, however it didn’t give me any relief.
In desperation I decided to apply ACIM forgiveness and was: 1. Willing to look at the cluster of ideas/beliefs/perceptions around this situation; 2. willing to see things differently, and 3. asked the Holy Spirit to give me a new perception.
The next morning as I continued to read Robert Perry’s Return to the Heart of God, chapter 14 on special relationships jumped out at me, especially the words ‘unmerited, undeserved, and unconditional.’
What I found out was I wasn’t upset at X for not loving me. I was upset because I failed to love him the way God loves us. After this, the hateful, angry feelings left.
The second healing occured about a week later when I got to thinking about giving our relationship one more chance and asked X if I could return home (his home).
He said no, and of course this brought up sad feelings. However this time I didn’t dwell on them, knowing that this was not the real reason for my upset. I again requested a new perception and this is what I got: I was like the prodigal son and even though X did not welcome me back with ‘a fatted calf, rings and robes,’ our Heavely Father does.
I now see the real reason for this relationship — nothing has gotten me closer to undoing the ego system by practicing Course based forgiveness.
Rev. Diane Bucaro is a Pathways of Light minister currently living in Mexico.
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