My contemplation of Lesson 31
I am not the victim of the world I see.
I think that we each come here with specific tasks - beliefs that we want to forgive for all of the Sonship. I was drawn to this lesson from the beginning, and I am sure that was because this was a belief I chose to undo. I always felt like a victim, and though I believe everything Jesus tells us in the Course, I struggled with this one.
It so often seemed obvious that I was a victim in certain circumstances. But I kept working with it, and kept forgiving the idea of victimhood. This became a belief I completely forgave. I do not now believe I could ever be a victim. This doesn’t mean that the ego mind stopped reaching for that belief. But it does mean that I never accept it as true.
For instance, I was abused by a neighbor when I was a child. The ego argued that a child does not choose this, and I couldn’t do anything about it. In this situation, I was definitely a victim. But this can’t be true since this is my story. And the story was not chosen as a child. Now I see how this situation and others were necessary to the story. After all, if I were to forgive the belief in victimhood, I had to know what it was to feel like a victim.
Even now, the ego dangles the victimhood belief before me to see if I’m going to bite. After the last damaging hurricane in my area, I, like many people here, had some unfortunate experiences with contractors while trying to get repairs done on my house. The ego mind argued for victimhood in this case. It was useless because I just could not and can not now sustain any feeling of victimhood. Give it up, ego. It is never going to work. ~smile~
My success with this lesson is a perfect example of how wonderfully the Course works if we let it. I didn’t change my mind about victimhood the first time I read the lesson. I had to practice forgiveness with situations in my life repeatedly before the idea that I could never be a victim of the world I see became the truth for me. I am so very grateful to Brother for his Course. And I am grateful to myself for my persistence.
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