V. The Holy Instant and Special Relationships, P 9
9 God knows you now. He remembers nothing, having always known you exactly as He knows you now. The holy instant reflects His knowing by bringing all perception out of the past, thus removing the frame of reference you have built by which to judge your brothers. Once this is gone, the Holy Spirit substitutes His frame of reference for it. His frame of reference is simply God. The Holy Spirit’s timelessness lies only here. For in the holy instant, free of the past, you see that love is in you, and you have no need to look without and snatch love guiltily from where you thought it was.
Journal
This is simple. How is it that I have a holy relationship instead of a special relationship? I give the past to the Holy Spirit and accept myself as God knows me now. Since God knows me as I am, as the Love of which I was created, and I accept His judgment of me as my own, I know myself as love. Now, where is the need to “find” love? Do I need someone to love me if love is already in me?
This leaves me free to be in a relationship that is free of neediness. I love and want nothing in return. I love because love is natural and joyful. There will be no strings attached, no secret bargains in the relationship. When I first began to understand how special relationships work, I was dismayed at my own part in this.
Even the little things we take for granted in a relationship. For instance the thought I might have of a friend: He will be there for me when I need him. How about, I will be there for myself when I need it. Then I can just enjoy the love I have for him regardless of any response he might like to make or not make.
Have you ever had one of those days where you just felt battered by the world and you thought, “Let me just get home to that special one, and he will make me feel better.” Then you get home and he is not there. Or he is there but doesn’t seem to have an interest in your day, or doesn’t understand what you need. Or you get there and all he wants to do is talk about his problems.
Expectations unmet, secret bargains not lived up to, needs not met by the one you chose to meet them, love not given and received. Yet, is that love at all? Maybe love seems lost because the interpretation of love is so strange that we no longer know what love is. What if, instead, we choose to see love where it is?
It is within us because that is where God placed it, or rather perhaps it would be more accurate to say that as an extension of Love, you are love. That is the love we each really seek. If we keep looking for it outside ourselves, we are never going to find it. Accept God’s decision about ourselves and we will have no need to look without and snatch love guiltily from where we thought it was.
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