VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 6
6 In one way or another, every relationship the ego makes is based on the idea that by sacrificing itself, it becomes bigger. The “sacrifice,” which it regards as purification, is actually the root of its bitter resentment. For it would prefer to attack directly, and avoid delaying what it really wants. Yet the ego acknowledges “reality” as it sees it, and recognizes that no one could interpret direct attack as love. Yet to make guilty is direct attack, although it does not seem to be, For the guilty expect attack, and having asked for it they are attracted to it.
Journal
How is it the ego attacks indirectly? I had to think about this because it was not immediately obvious to me. So I considered a relationship with a friend. She is a good friend and I love her. But sometimes, she calls me at an inconvenient time and I answer because she is my friend, but I really don’t want to talk. In other words, I sacrifice my desires to her desires, and even though I will probably enjoy the conversation, I feel resentful of the sacrifice. This is an indirect attack, which Jesus says is really a direct attack.
The problem with attack is that it is not discreet. If I have attack thoughts in my mind, I will expect attack and those are the images that will make up my life. I will interpret the actions of others as attack because I believe in attack. Here is a time that happened to me. I had a visit from a relative and I enjoyed our time together, which was very loving. But when she left, something she said and her general attitude made me doubt her sincerity. I began to feel like she didn’t really care about me and was just visiting out of duty.
This was crazy. There was no real reason to think so. But once the mind got going, I imagined all sorts of reasons this would be true and there was a lot of guilt involved. I saw this happening and knew that I had asked the ego to interpret her parting remarks and this is what it came up with because the ego always attacks and always finds guilt. It was easy to turn it around, and I did so. But, it was a good reminder that attack begets attack and destroys peace. This is why I cannot have attack thoughts and why I am vigilant for them and quick to bring them to the Light for healing.
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