III. From Darkness to Light P 3
3 O my child, if you knew what God wills for you, your joy would be complete! And what He wills has happened, for it was always true. When the light comes and you have said, “God’s Will is mine,” you will see such beauty that you will know it is not of you. Out of your joy you will create beauty in His Name, for your joy could no more be contained than His. The bleak little world will vanish into nothingness, and your heart will be so filled with joy that it will leap into Heaven, and into the Presence of God. I cannot tell you what this will be like, for your heart is not ready. Yet I can tell you, and remind you often, that what God wills for Himself He wills for you, and what He wills for you is yours.
Journal
It seems like it would be so easy to just surrender to this joy and watch my bleak little world vanish. What is it in the world that is so important to me that I would hesitate to choose to know that God’s Will is mine? I ask myself that question this morning, and right away I think about how difficult I made things for myself last week, and how my thoughts kept me in the bleak world I chose.
I was angry, frustrated, fed up, with a situation at work. I got all tangled up in my thoughts and spent the week slipping in and out of the ego mind. I seemed unwilling to forgive the situation and felt like I was unable to do so. Today, my mind is clear. I see that I was projecting images from the beliefs in guilt, fear and rage that are obviously still in my mind.
It wasn’t really about the story of guilt, fear, and rage but rather, the story was imagined and projected into the world from those beliefs. While I was enthralled with that little drama, I kept listening to the ego tell me, first, it was someone else’s fault, then that I must fix the story. The advice varied wildly, but the refrain was always focused on the story.
Once again, I got caught up in trying to fix the effect, like looking into my reflection in the mirror, not liking what I see, and trying to correct the image I see there.
Today, with more clarity, I see the obvious. If it is in my life, I put it there. If I want it gone, I must invite the Holy Spirit to look with me and heal my mind. It is never about the situation or the people involved; it is always about my mind and what I find there. The situation simply reflected my thoughts and showed me what I believe to be true, that guilt is real, I am unfairly treated, and I am a victim. Jeez.
And today, I see that none of this could possibly be true. God does not will guilt and fear and rage. If this is not God’s Will, then it cannot be. I must be dreaming, a really bad dream as it happens, but still just a dream. I cannot be what God did not create. I cannot have a crazy distorted will that is different from God’s Will. I am an extension of Love and joy and peace are my inheritance.
Holy Spirit, You and I know the dark places in my mind. Please bring the light to those shadowy beliefs. Teach me not to simply pardon, but to forgive entirely. I don’t want to pretend the situation is undone; I want my mind to be completely healed. I want to look at each person involved and see only Christ, and to feel only love. I need your help and I open my heart and mind to that help.
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