IV. Seeking and Finding, P 3
3 It is surely obvious that no one wants to find what would utterly defeat him. Being unable to love, the ego would be totally inadequate in love’s presence, for it could not respond at all. Then, you would have to abandon the ego’s guidance, for it would be quite apparent that it had not taught you the response you need. The ego will therefore distort love, and teach you that love really calls forth the responses the ego can teach. Follow its teaching, then, and you will search for love, but will not recognize it.
Journal
And so now we see why it is that the ego will not lead us to love. It has no recognition of love, and no response for love. If we accepted love as it truly is, we would abandon ego’s guidance because it could not help us. The ego has a prime objective and that is it is to continue its existence. It will never help us do something that would make it useless to us. The ego will never lead us to love, even if it could, because we would no longer need the ego.
Love as seen through the Holy Spirit and what passes for love as perceived through ego is radically different. So much so that it leaves me wondering how I could have bought into ego’s perception of love for so long. Yesterday, I became open to seeing love in everything and it was a lovely day.
This morning, I woke up to hear the ego mutterings of gloom and doom. Suddenly, instead of experiencing the love of God, I was looking at people in my mind as enemies or potential enemies, and setting up defenses. Made me wonder what I had been dreaming all night to leave me so ego driven this morning.
The truth is, though, that the ego is our default mind here in egoland. We have to remain vigilant for the ego thinking in our mind and deliberately choose God. As I lay there working out strategies to get life lined up the way I thought I needed it, to get people to do what would be best for me, I realized how insane this was. I saw the contrast between how this makes me feel and how I felt yesterday.
I was having trouble shifting gears, so I reached over to my iPod and put on a meditation I have been using with a Pathways of Light course on accepting Holy Spirit’s help. This meditation reminded me that there are no private thoughts. I realized immediately that all these “I need” thoughts are personal to me, and so are not real thoughts. This reminded me that my belief that I need people for the purpose of fulfilling my needs is a block to my awareness of love’s presence.
The distress I had been feeling, and the need to defend myself faded away as I chose the Holy Spirit’s guidance over the ego’s guidance. I felt peace flood my mind and I felt the sluggishness of the moment before dissipate as I became energized and happy to start the day. Thank You, God. I love You God.
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