IV. Seeking and Finding, P 4
4 Do you realize that the ego must set you on a journey which cannot but lead to a sense of futility and depression? To seek and not to find is hardly joyous. Is this the promise you would keep? The Holy Spirit offers you another promise, and one that will lead to joy. For His promise is always, “Seek and you will find,” and under His guidance you cannot be defeated. His is the journey to accomplishment, and the goal He sets before you He will give you. For He will never deceive God’s Son whom He loves with the Love of the Father.
Journal
Perhaps like me you thought you could not really depend on the Bible quote, “Seek and ye shall find.” Years of seeking had brought me very little in the way of peace and happiness. I didn’t see where it brought me any closer to God, either. Now I know why. It was because I was asking the ego to show me the way. I was seeking happiness through the ego, and the ego’s directive is to seek and do not find.
Once I began to study the Course, all of that turned around. I was seeking through the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit loves me with the Love of the Father. The Holy Spirit wants me to find and so makes it possible for me to do so, actually assures that I will do so. Through the study of the Course I learned how to ask and was given the process that would bring me the peace and happiness I longed for.
I learned that the blocks to Love are the ego thoughts in my mind. I believe insane things and those beliefs show up as insane thoughts. I learned that I could look at those thoughts with the Holy Spirit, and in so doing I would realize their impact on me and would become willing to let them go. Once my willingness was strong, the Holy Spirit could remove them from my mind. Without so much of the insanity of ego thinking, I became happier and more peaceful.
I learned that to be happy I must be happy with my brothers and sisters. I must know my union with them. I must know that we go home as one. With the healing of my mind, this desire became stronger than my desire to be separate from them, to defend against them, and to push them away in all the many ways I did in the past. Now I cannot see anyone as separate from me.
I cannot imagine not being affected by everything that happens to any part of our one self. How could that even be? And when I forget what it means to be one, and when I think I need to get my personal needs met, or when I think I must win over someone else, I quickly and gratefully turn to the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of such insane thoughts.
Without the ego guilt and fear of the past, I realized that what I really want is God. I want to remember God and remember my Self. I want to see in God and think in God. I want to be aware of His presence in my mind, and to be aware of my presence in His Mind. I want to share all that I am with All that He Is. I want to know that I am one with God. This is what I seek now and thus this is what I must find, because I seek it of One Whose function it is to lead me to what I seek. I seek it for the entire Sonship.
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