V. The Two Emotions, P 2
2 Each one peoples his world with figures from his individual past, and it is because of this that private worlds do differ. Yet the figures that he sees were never real, for they are made up only of his reactions to his brothers, and do not include their reactions to him. Therefore, he does not see he made them, and that they are not whole. For these figures have no witnesses, being perceived in one separate mind only.
Journal
In order for me to understand the significance of this paragraph, I had to say it in first person. Maybe that would be helpful to others as well. So I said to myself: “Each of us people our world with figures from our individual past, and it is because of this that private worlds do differ.” I see that I do seem to have a private world different from other people’s world.
Sure we have some common features, but we have many different features and even those we have in common are experienced differently. Even my close family members have a different world, a private world different than mine. I listen to my siblings talk about their childhood sometimes and it is so different than what I remember that I barely recognize it. I want to say, “Wait, that’s not what happened!” But of course they would say the same to me.
“Yet the figures that he sees were never real, for they are made up only of his reactions to his brothers, and do not include their reactions to him.” So even the figures that seem real to me are not so. This is because they are one-dimensional. I see only what I think of them, my reactions to them. I don’t include their reactions to me.
My mind wants to argue with this. Many times I watch very closely for the other person’s reaction to me. In fact I seem to care more about their reaction to me than I do about them. But I am not really seeing their reaction to me. I am seeing my interpretation of their actions and words. So I do see that they are not who they are in my vision of them. They are only who I think they are.
And thus everything I think about them is a reflection of my self. Do I never really look at anyone? Or do I just look at myself as I imagine I appear in their eyes? I have a picture in my mind of who my younger daughter is, and I know my picture does not match hers. I know this because of conversations we have had. I also have had conversations with my older daughter about the younger one, and her picture does not match mine, or her sisters. Her brothers also have a different idea of who she is.
If you were trying to discover who this woman is, and you asked her family member and her friends, perhaps her fiancé, except from some few facts of her existence, you would get very different stories. You might think she is a compilation, that each person adds to your picture of her, but really, you would get a compilation of the people you talk to, because each one is giving you a reflection of their own mind.
In other words, I don’t know who my daughter is, I only know my thoughts about her and my thoughts are always going to be about how she fits into my personal world. I have no whole picture of anyone because I see each of them with my one separate mind.
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