Day 126
5 A major hindrance in this aspect of his learning is the teacher of God’s fear about the validity of what he hears. And what he hears may indeed be quite startling. It may also seem to be quite irrelevant to the presented problem as he perceives it, and may, in fact, confront the teacher with a situation that appears to be very embarrassing to him. All these are judgments that have no value. They are his own, coming from a shabby self-perception which he would leave behind. Judge not the words that come to you, but offer them in confidence. They are far wiser than your own. God’s teachers have God’s Word behind their symbols. And He Himself gives to the words they use the power of His Spirit, raising them from meaningless symbols to the Call of Heaven itself.
How very encouraging to know that the words given me have the power of Heaven behind them. How encouraging to know that I can trust these words from Spirit and speak them in absolute confidence. Now that I’ve had this experience I cannot imagine going back to teaching through the ego, that is, teaching according to what the mind understands. It feels heavy and discouraging just to think about it.
The ego only teaches from the past and even that is incomplete information. What it does know is filtered through a mind that is filled with fear and guilt, uncertainty and doubt, and so has as its primary goal the need to sustain its own sense of worth. The ego offers an unlimited number of options and then suggests the one that makes it look good.
Stepping back and allowing the words to flow from Spirit is so refreshing. Its answers are always simple, always consistent. When I speak only the words given me I don’t have to grope for the answer and I don’t worry about how it makes me look or if the answer will be accepted. It is not my business how or if it is accepted. I trust Spirit to know the bigger plan, and even if I never see the fruit of my work I don’t doubt its effect.
I have had the experience of not understanding why I was given certain words, and of wondering how on earth what I am saying makes any sense in the context of our discussion. At first when I was still learning to step back I stumbled a lot when this happened, because my mind was still involved, and while I trusted Holy Spirit to know what was needed, I didn’t trust myself to hear clearly. I was also very concerned about how I appeared to others and so this made me hesitant to say anything that would leave me looking foolish.
Just doing it anyway seemed to be the way to get through this awkward period, and my continuing desire to let go of ego helped me to move past the need to be accepted and admired. That was a big block and while it was in place it slowed the flow from Spirit. Now instead of being a boulder it’s more like little piles of stone that I notice and ask Holy Spirit to wash away.
When I teach now it is mostly a joy. I follow guidance and speak with confidence whatever I hear. The times when it doesn’t go like that it is because I have become attentive to the little self. I start teaching from the mind instead of simply accepting what is given. I start caring how I sound and how I am accepted by others. I notice that there are some times when this tends to happen more than other times.
I was with my kids last night and they don’t have any interest in anything Spiritual so I began to feel self-conscious and to speak from the little self. I noticed that I would think about how I would sound to them, and to judge what I said by those standards. Yuck. How uncomfortable that is!
Another kind of situation is one where I feel inadequate. I am presenting at the big conference next year and I have never done that before. I express myself better through writing or through one on one speaking. I think this is because I am not distracted and I am able to hear Holy Spirit more clearly. The idea of speaking in front of a large group scares me. I’m giving my willingness and trusting that by the time I have to do this, I will have grown into the occasion and will be able to set my self aside so that I can be a clear channel for Holy Spirit.
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