6-19-13
8 The ego tries to exploit all situations into forms of praise for itself in order to overcome its doubts. It will remain doubtful as long as you believe in its existence. You who made it cannot trust it, because in your right mind you realize it is not real. The only sane solution is not to try to change reality, which is indeed a fearful attempt, but to accept it as it is. You are part of reality, which stands unchanged beyond the reach of your ego but within easy reach of spirit. When you are afraid, be still and know that God is real, and you are His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. Do not let your ego dispute this, because the ego cannot know what is as far beyond its reach as you are.
The bad news is the ego is doubtful and afraid and nothing is going to change this. I have spent my life trying to make a stronger, better ego self with more education, more income, buying more stuff, developing a better personality, etc. I cannot shore up the ego so there is no reason to try, which means I have been wasting my time. I now have a nicer ego, a more spiritual ego, a kinder ego, but it compares itself to others and finds itself wanting in every department. It is still doubtful and fearful.
The good news is I am not my ego. What I am is established in God and is beyond doubt and has nothing to fear. What I am cannot be affected by ego doubts and fears or anything the ego does or says or thinks. What I am is like God in every way. This means I am not my personality. I am not my body. I am not any of the traits I have spent my life trying to develop to stave off the doubts and uncertainties that plague the ego. I am simply and only the Son of God.
I forget who I am on a regular basis. This memory of Self is far too new to consistently stand against the ego self I have identified with for so long. What do I do when I feel doubtful and uncertain, when guilt overcomes me and I become afraid? Jesus tells me that when I am afraid, I should be still and know that God is real, and I am His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased.
I have used many prayers or affirmations to turn my mind back toward truth. I have reminded myself that the truth is true. I have asked that the Holy Spirit heal my mind. I have accepted the Atonement. I have reminded myself that I am still as God created me. I have remembered that God goes with me wherever I go. Yesterday I often remembered that what is not God’s Will is not real and can have no effect on me. I prayed that God would show me His Will for me.
However I choose to break the ego’s hold on my mind, the goal is to return to the peaceful certainty of my true Self. I rest in God. In that rest there will be no words, but my mind remembers that I am His Son and He loves me. In trust, I surrender all to Him. I am at peace, and doubt, uncertainty and fear cannot find me. Sometimes it is only for a brief respite, but it is enough to remind me that this is my natural state and that it is what I want. When it is all that I want, it is all that I will have.
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