VI. The Rewards of God, Paragraph 6
9-2-13
6 My trust in you is greater than yours in me at the moment, but it will not always be that way. Your mission is very simple. You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego, and I do not choose God’s channels wrongly. The Holy One shares my trust, and accepts my Atonement decisions because my will is never out of accord with His. I have said before that I am in charge of the Atonement. This is only because I completed my part in it as a man, and can now complete it through others. My chosen channels cannot fail, because I will lend them my strength as long as theirs is wanting.
Here is what I see when I read this. First, Jesus has absolute trust in me to do my part in the Atonement. He trusts me more than I trust myself and, he assures me that I cannot fail because he will lend me his strength. When I read this, I feel like crying from relief. I often don’t share the level of trust that Jesus talks about here, and sometimes I feel inadequate to do what he asks of me even though in the Course he tells me that I can do whatever he asks.
He is also right that I don’t trust him as much as he trusts me. I am tempted to say that is not right, it is just myself I don’t trust. But if that were true, if my lack of trust was directed only at myself, then I would simply rely on Jesus as he asks me to and not worry about it. Since I do still sometimes think I will never accomplish the undoing of the ego as the Course directs, I have to admit that I don’t trust Jesus to strengthen my weakness.
Another thing Jesus seems to be explaining to us in this early part of the Text is his part in the Atonement. He has said that he is one of us, the same and not someone to be worshipped. He is not our God, but our brother. He put the Atonement in place and is in charge of it because he was the first one to awaken from the dream. But having awakened from the dream, he understood that we must all awaken and that his awakening was not complete until ours was complete. So he is continuing his awakening by helping us all reach that state.
Understanding this (as best as I can) helps me to accept that he is not mistaken in choosing me at this time. Everyone gets chosen, but only when they are ready. Right now I am ready. Sometimes that thought swells my heart with gratitude, and sometimes I cry in relief. Other times it scares me and I want to retreat into my little dark corner of the illusion and hide out in the ego for awhile longer.
But Jesus now sees what I cannot see and I am learning to trust him as much as he trusts me, so I keep plodding along, following his directions as best as I can, trusting that he knows what he is talking about. It seems he must because he says that the Holy One accepts his Atonement decisions, not because Jesus is special, but because his mind is in complete accord with His.
I am like a bird sitting on the ground. My vision is very limited. Jesus is like the bird in flight and his vision is unimpeded. He sees the completed work. I, from my position, can see only a little bit and even that bit is fuzzy because of my lack of clarity, but he sees exactly where my part fits in and how it links up with others. He knows precisely what each person is ready for and what they need to do to form a strong chain of Atonement. Because his mind is perfectly clear now, he knows how to accomplish this. This is why I must learn to trust him as much as he trusts me, and why I must learn to trust his assessment of my readiness.
Now for the most important part of this paragraph, the part that gives me some direction and purpose. Jesus says:
“Your mission is very simple. You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego, and I do not choose God’s channels wrongly.”
I am to live so as to demonstrate that I am not an ego. It must be possible for me to do this because Jesus says he does not choose God’s channels wrongly. Yikes! I don’t know whether to be elated to know this or to be terrified. As I think about this I remember that I am already doing this, not perfectly yet, but I am doing what I am directed to do. I am vigilant for the ego thoughts and beliefs and am willing to let my mind be healed when I find them. As I do this I live less like I am an ego and more like I am God’s channel.
I am very grateful for the understanding I have been given as I read this Text with the Holy Spirit. I am fully aware that it is not a complete understanding, and that we cannot truly understand or even put into words what may be revealed to us directly from God. We are experiencing ourselves as something outside God and we are limited by our decision so that we have only words to convey truth. This in itself limits our understanding and our expression of that understanding.
I think that Jesus just gives me stories that help me to understand enough to bring me to the next level. I’m fine with that. I only need enough understanding to keep me on the path, and inspire and motivate me to continue my part in undoing the ego. All that Jesus knows, I know; I just don’t remember what I know. Knowledge has not ceased to exist because I don’t remember it and it only awaits my awakening to reveal itself to me.
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