Miracles News

july - September, 2007

A Holy Instant of Release

Rev. Linda Wisniewski

As a passenger on a seven hour drive, I had a chance to be still and go within. All of a sudden I noticed a lot of sadness coming up. “What is this about?” I asked Holy Spirit. It was as if a lifetime of unfulfilled dreams and fantasies were being projected on a screen right before me.

In my younger years, I considered myself a “romantic” and my fantasy was to find the perfect man who would fulfill my every need. I have been married twice and each partner could not be described as the “romantic” type. My latest partner is teaching me that I don’t need him to fulfill my needs and expectations. I need to learn to trust in my Self. Of course, before I started studying A Course in Miracles, I didn’t want to believe him and our relationship was very stormy because I kept projecting onto him my disappointment that he wasn’t a fulfillment of my expectation and fantasy of what a romantic relationship should look like. I created in my separate mind, in opposition to God, what I believed to be perfect love.

In this ego thought system, perfect love meant giving to get and believing another had to give me love to make me feel special and worthy. I truly believed that the source of perfect love was in another person outside of me. In the ego thought system, the source of everything i.e. love, value, safety, wellness, abundance, security, worthiness, seems to be outside of myself.

The ego thought system is very clever. If we keep believing this, we will keep looking outside of our Self for security, love, peace, joy and value. We then will forget to remember to look within. And, we will forget to remember that God is our Source of Love, joy, peace, strength, safety, value, and worthiness. And we will forget to remember we never left our Source. Everything we desire will be given to us because we are as God created us. We are of Him.

The Course is teaching me that in one instant a thought entered that made me and my brothers believe that this Love wasn’t enough. In that one instant we were made to believe we could create a better kind of love, a special love more perfect than God. And, in that one instant, we forgot to laugh and realize it was a crazy insane thought. It seemed so real. And then one crazy fantasy led to another and another and pretty soon we forgot we were fantasizing and forgot where we were.

It all seemed too real, like Alice in Wonderland falling through the rabbit hole into the land of magic. We fantasized first that we created a body and that this body was our new home; a solid place in which to make believe we were special. We created in that instant a separate family believing they would give us special love. When this didn’t happen, we became angry with them because we convinced ourselves that they weren’t fulfilling our magical wishes and desires to be loved in a special way. So the more we fell into the dream, the more we looked for a special relationship and created images of Cinderella and Prince Charming as the embodiment of this special fantasy. And, when our special partner didn’t turn out to match this fantasy, we dumped them and kept searching for that special love. And not only did we search for a special love, we also created a special world that would ensure we were special.

The more we forgot reality and forgot our true nature, the more we fantasized about what we needed to be special. Maybe we could become the CEO of a large company; or, maybe we could write a book and become famous and go on the Oprah show; or maybe we could go on an adventure and do daring things that would give us pleasure; or maybe we could find a way of making so much money we would never have to worry about not having all the goodies that money could buy. If we did these things, we became certain that we would finally feel safe and secure and never have to worry. We would be happy and fulfilled.

Well guess what? In my fantasies, I managed to find romantic love but it never lasted and every time a relationship ended if felt devastating because what I believed was the source of love left and since I forgot it was in me, it felt excruciatingly painful. When my special love left, I was left feeling loveless and alone, or so I believed.

I once had money and lost it mostly by giving it away and later would feel devastated because I believed the source of my safety and security was in the money. When the money was gone, I experienced feelings of panic and terror. I believed the source of wellness was in the body I created to separate from God and when I didn’t feel well, I felt scared because I felt certain I was going to die and lose everything especially myself. I would be a nothing.

If I lived in less than a perfect body, I also was scared because how could I function and be special unless this body could run in perfect order. I never wrote that book that would have made me famous and never became a CEO that I believed would have given me a sense of importance and I never became well known in anything. I did become depressed because I believed I wasn’t of value in this world of my making. I believed I was useless.

In the ego thought system value is equated with doing because its only in our body doing something specific that we realize our specialness and uniqueness. And while my illusory life seemed to flash before me in the car, I asked Holy Spirit to look with me and help me see this life differently.
I started experiencing a deep gratitude and thanking God for His Infinite Wisdom. I thanked God for placing Holy Spirit in my mind and the mind of my brothers so that, when I believed I was lost and alone and feeling depressed and unworthy in this world of unfulfilled dreams and fantasies, Holy Spirit could help me remember the truth.

It was at those times when I felt most lost and desperate, that I humbled myself and called out to God, “Help me see this differently.” It was at the times I experienced busted illusions that I turned within and heard the quiet voice of Spirit whispering His Love and Will for me.
It is in the silence that I experience the peace I so truly desire. The more I listen to the gentle Voice within, the more peace and joy I experience. The more I am learning to trust this Voice, the more I am allowing myself to be guided by His Will, and, the more I am willing to surrender my fantasies and dreams.

“Father, it is today that I am free, because my will is Yours. I thought to make another will. Yet nothing that I thought apart from You exists. And I am free because I was mistaken, and did not affect my own reality at all by my illusions. Now I give them up, and lay them down before the feet of truth, to be removed forever from my mind. This is my holy instant of release. Father, I know my will is one with Yours.” (Workbook Lesson 227, This is my holy instant of release.)

I am so grateful to be learning that Who I Am is not of anything I made in the separate mind. I Am of God not man. I am learning that when I attack a brother it is because I expect this person whom I made in separation to fulfill a expectation I made up in this fantasy mind.
I am learning that the sadness, depression and fear I experience is because I forget that the Source of everything of Real Value is of God. I am learning that my loving Father knows my holiness and perfection and innocence and as His Child I Am of Him. I am learning the Source of Love, peace and joy I was so desperately seeking does not lie in my fantasies but in joining with HIm.

“Father, I was mistaken in myself, because I failed to realize the Source from Which I came. I have not left that Source to enter in a body and to die. My holiness remains a part of me, as I am part of You. And my mistakes about myself are dreams. I let them go today. And I stand ready to receive Your word alone for what I really am.” (Workbook Lesson 228, “God has condemned me not. No more do I.”)

Rev. Linda Wisniewski is a Pathways of Light minister living in Plymouth, Wisconsin.

Has this page been helpful to you?
Your contribution in support of this site is greatly appreciated. To make a tax deductible contribution or become a member online, go to http://www.pathwaysoflight.org/polshop/home.php?cat=254.
Or send a check or money order to Pathways of Light, 6 Oak Court, Ormond Beach, FL 32174-2623 (USD only, please) Thank you for your support.