July-September, 2021
During the years of 2013 and 2014, I dedicated every moment of every day to watching my mind so I could identify all the beliefs, resentments and grievances that were keeping me from experiencing The Peace of God. My intention and devotion was to “undo the ego,” by using the teachings of A Course in Miracles.
For the first few months, I found that I needed to develop a deeper quietness of mind so I could hear my Guide. I started to write down answers I was receiving from the Holy Spirit. I really wanted and desired a peaceful relationship with everyone. I was tired of my old ways of relating and was ready to become a full-time student and have the Holy Spirit as my Teacher.
During those two years I worked as a full-time accountant in a busy real estate office. After two years, my mind awakened to the Love of God. This lightly proves that you don’t need to leave your job, your family or where you live to awaken to holiness. All you need is the readiness to start, willingness to offer everything over to be healed and a dedication to staying the course, no matter what levels of fear or terror the ego thoughts bring up.
In my period of complete dedication to the undoing of all my beliefs, I had many wonderful shifts of perception by allowing the Holy Spirit to correct all my old beliefs and bring into my mind, another way to see my brother and my situations. This is the miracle. It bought me so much joy and happiness during the last part of the second year.
Then in January 2015, I experienced an awakening to the peace of God. I saw everything as God. The outside and inside merged to become a “big soup of Love.”
My mind entered a deep quietness and simple joy became my constant state of experience. I felt a joining with God, the infinite Love that was within. My mind saw the world of form as an illusory dream of separation and there was a certainty of who I was and where I was. I knew that everyone was Christ and that God is, and nothing else is. My mind saw that everything in time was actually happening in a tiny tick of time and it was actually nowhere.
Not long after, I entered the Song of Heaven where I was the voice amongst all voices joined in the most beautiful harmonics, singing to God and feeling Him sing to me. In my experience, being joined in the Song with God, is the highest level of Love that I have experienced and it feels so amazing.
Below is a story of one of the changes my mind went through on my way to letting go of the belief in death and guilt. I hope you find something here that might help remind you of what you are and where you are.
Healing the Darkness of Sin by Joining with Jesus in My Mind.
One morning in mid 2013, I awoke from a dreadful nightmare. In this nightmare, I was standing on the side of a four lane busy freeway and as I stood there, two huge trucks started hurtling towards me, completely out of control. They were skidding and sliding and seemed ten times bigger than a usual truck. They did not slow down and were moving towards me at a high speed. I felt there was nothing I could do and I would be killed.
I woke up just before they hit me, with my heart beating extremely fast and a feeling of terror. A few minutes later, I heard the sound of my phone beside my bed, ping with an incoming message. The text message was from an ACIM friend’s sister, who I had never actually met. Her name was Linda and her message said that she had just woken up and felt immediately to contact me to see if I was alright.
Linda and I had only ever said hello via text messaging when I met her sister at a retreat. Her sister had given me her phone number and said that I should contact Linda. So, it was quite odd to hear from her out-of-the-blue, but I felt immediately that the Holy Spirit had organized this.
I texted her back that I had just had a terrible nightmare and was feeling quite shaken and thanked her for reaching out to me. She replied that, if I would like, she would call me that evening, after work that day and we could discuss the content of the nightmare. She said she felt that she could offer some help.
When I got home from work that day, I ate dinner and then got ready for my call. I sat on my bed and called Linda. She asked me to join with her with an intention to look at the meaning behind the nightmare and to be ready to have it healed. She asked me to explain the nightmare in great detail to her. As I did, I became aware of the large amount of fear that I was currently experiencing in my life.
After we got clarity on the nightmare, she asked if I was open to do a visualization with Jesus and that she would lead me through it. I was very interested in doing this, so I said yes. This was the first time I had ever joined with Jesus in my mind in a visualization.
I cannot remember exactly what she said to lead me into this visualization. All I remember is, all of a sudden, I was with Jesus in a very real way. As I felt the reality of his presence so clearly, I asked her if I could take over the speaking, so I could describe to her what I was seeing and what I felt was happening to me. Below I will describe what I saw and what happened to me.
I was at the bottom of the cross and Jesus was on the cross with His arms out in his crucified position. I looked up and He came down from the cross without any effort and sat on the sand cross-legged, inviting me in to sit with him. I felt myself sit down opposite him on the sand, below the cross facing him and very close to Him.
I could feel His presence as we sat in silence. I could not look at Him because I felt so unworthy of His love. I talked to Him through my mind with my head down. I told him how I wanted to know his Love, but I felt I had this huge dark stain of sin within. I looked down at my chest and stomach area and saw there a large V vase shaped dark black hole inside. It felt so dreadful. So dark and sinful. So much agony. So unbearably hard to deal with. I felt this intense calling out to him for help from deep within myself. This calling reached way down within the depths of despair inside me to Him.
I felt him encouraging me to look into His eyes. I lifted my head and looked directly into the most loving eyes I had ever seen. I saw and felt something move within as I looked and felt the most incredible Love coming into me from His eyes. The most amazing pure love flowed into me. As this pure white Love flowed into my heart, I became aware that the dark hole within me was slowly starting to reduce in size. I could see it shrinking and I felt this joy that it was going.
Then all of a sudden, it stopped reducing. It was now the size of a milk bottle. I remember thinking, “Oh no, its not all gone.” I looked at Him, not knowing what to do and He gently, lifted his arms and leaned towards me and put His gentle hands inside me and cupped the small dark shape inside my heart area with His hands and then slowly moved His hands together until all the darkness completely disappeared.
I cannot share in words how unexpected this was but how completely uplifted I felt. I felt myself slowly coming back to the awareness of my bedroom and being conscious of being on the phone with Linda. I had shared everything with her as it was happening.
I really couldn’t believe it. I was so grateful for Linda following her guidance and thanked Linda for her help. I immediately felt very tired and went to sleep. The next day, I felt so much lighter — like I had lost a great amount of weight. It was a tangible healing and my mind felt much lighter and peaceful. I then started to do meditations where I visualized myself with Jesus and just looked into His eyes. Each meditation seemed to clear away more of the guilt that I felt. Over time, I came into a very strong and personal relationship with Jesus as my Guide.
I use this meditation and visualization of meeting with Jesus when I am asked to offer a meditation for a Course group. It was so healing for me so I love to bring this gift to everyone. Linda first brought it to me, now I extend that opening to others. In these meditations, we bring to Him this feeling of being unworthy of His time and love. His Love is the healing balm that heals our mind of its belief in guilt. We simply say “Here I am Lord” and open ourselves up to His pure perfect Love to shine into our mind and lift it out of the heavy dark clouds of guilt.
Cate Grieves is a student of A Course in Miracles and lives in Victoria, Australia. Find all that Cate offers on her Website: http://www.categrieves.com Join an online zoom group hosted by Cate on the facebook group “Zoom to Miracles with Cate Grieves.”
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