April-June, 2004
It’s a cold February night and I can hear the pellets of rock salt crunching between the soles of my shoes and the sidewalk as I walk quietly across the parking lot. Distant, amber flood lights cast a mix of dim, golden illumination and streaks of shadows along my path. I can hear distant city traffic quietly flowing on a throughway in the valley. I was alone and the atmosphere of the lot seemed very peaceful. I stopped short of my car to take it in. Noticing each breath condensing into a cool cloud of white as it wisped into the night air.
Although the lot was densely surrounded by hibernating trees, my eyes happened to gaze up through a single clearing and alight on a beautiful white star, shining away in the Western sky. It was Venus. The beautiful white light reminded me of the new best friend I have come to know over the last year, my savior. I smiled, knowing the search was finally over. I finally found the secret to inner peace and happiness. And it all began with a little willingness.
Although I didn’t know what I was seeing at the time, I realize now that the Holy Spirit began introducing the “little spark” to me sometime within the first thirty workbook lessons. The little sparks kept coming here and there as I practiced the lessons over the next several months. During this time, my ego mind kept telling me not to get excited because it was nothing; it even told me at times that I might be crazy. So I went on doubting the sparks for months because I knew deep down inside I was afraid that I might actually be worthy of God’s Love. Over time, as I continued to open up and understand how to work with Spirit, I began to ask Him, “What’s this spark I keep seeing?” The answer didn’t come right away, but when it did, this is what He gave me.
“In many only the spark remains, for the Great Rays are obscured. Yet God has kept the spark alive so that the Rays can never be completely forgotten. If you but see the little spark you will learn of the greater light, for the Rays are there unseen. Perceiving the spark will heal, but knowing the light will create. Yet in the returning the little light must be acknowledged first, for the separation was a descent from magnitude to littleness. But the spark is still as pure as the Great Light, because it is the remaining call of creation. Put all your faith in it, and God Himself will answer you.” (T10.IV.8:1-8)
After I read this, I began to cry. Not because of these words, for they gave me joy, but because of the section’s title, “The End of Sickness.” I knew at that moment that the desperate plea to God for healing, not even a year earlier, had been answered. I knew it was the beginning of the end of years of depression, sickness, sadness, addiction, untruth, anger, anxiety, worry, stress, confusion … and un-love. I cried at the gift I had given to my Self. And it all began with a little willingness.
As I reflect back on what I’ve learned from practicing the Workbook lessons, and search for a way to consolidate how they helped me to get where I am now, the message seems to be the same one Jesus has been giving us for thousands of years.
You have already been given everything. Quiet your mind and you will remember.
The Introduction to the Workbook for Students states that its purpose is to train our minds. Part of that training includes the practice of quieting of the ego mind through the practice of prayer and meditation, which the lessons describe in detail over and over. After making a commitment to myself and to God, I recall a paragraph within the Introduction that stood out to me,
“Some of the ideas the Workbook presents you will find hard to believe, and others may seem to be quite startling. This does not matter. You are merely asked to apply the ideas as you are directed to do. You are not asked to judge them at all. You are asked only to use them. It is their use that will give them meaning to you, and will show you that they are true.” (W-p1.In.8:1-6)
I said, “OK God. I’m going to set aside everything I ever learned or was told for one year. I’ll do exactly what these lessons tell me to do as best I can, for one year. Then I’ll decide.” I realize now without a doubt, this was the best gift I ever gave to my Self. And it all began with a little willingness.
Thank you Father for You, your most Holy Spirit and… for Me.
Paul Phelps is a Pathways of Light student living in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania
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