Miracles News

October-December, 2010

Letting Go of the Need to Understand

by Rev. Larry Glenz

I know that many people believe that God has abandoned them when they suffer the tragic loss of a loved one. After turning to Holy Spirit during the seven years that my son, Kevin, battled with an opiate addiction, he relapsed again and died last winter of an overdose at the age of 27.

The question often asked in such a situation by the loved ones left behind is, “How could God let this happen?” My understanding of ACIM teaches me that God didn’t let it happen. The metaphysics of the Course explain that it never happened. But while I remain in this dream of the human condition, I need Holy Spirit to help me with this. I turned to Holy Spirit consistently throughout his years of addiction, his efforts at recovery, and his relapses. The answers that I received from Spirit were also consistent.

In different ways Holy Spirit said, “Love him anyway. You don’t know what Kevin needs to go through. Release all judgment, condemnation, and fear. Offer help but don’t try to shame him or use guilt to get him to change.” Sometimes I followed Holy Spirit’s advice; but often I was too scared to listen and used whatever leverage I had to force him into rehab and recovery. It didn’t work.

Heroin addiction forces the addict to constantly lie and steal in order to keep getting high. The compulsion to get high overcomes his love and respect for family, friends, and especially himself. At those times, it was difficult to see the innocence of that Child of God. And today, it is difficult to see how his death could be for the greater good. Certainly, there is much I don’t understand for I cannot conceive of the “Big Picture” here.

Nevertheless, since his passing, I have been inundated with the love of so many people. This love has come my way in many different forms; but this flow of love has been constant. I no longer feel the terror that I often felt during the years of his addiction. In fact, Kevin’s love is always with me in my heart and mind.

I am very grateful to Holy Spirit for this ability I have to feel Kevin’s love and his guidance as I go through my day. Talking to Kevin and communicating with Holy Spirit seem the same to me now, although my words are much more irreverent when I think it is Kevin to whom I speak.

I realize there is no way that I can understand what is for the greater good. But ACIM has taught me some things that I can experience. I have been taught that in every situation, only the love is real; and I have been able to experience great love from so many people since Kevin’s death.

And when I cry and have my moments of deep sadness, I sometimes hear Kevin’s voice say, “Hey Dad, you know better. That whole story was never true. Only the love we shared was real.” And I can answer with certainty, “Yes, Kevin, I know better.” And I feel gratitude for this experience.

And I will let go of my need to try to understand how this could all be for the greater good. My perceived need to know is one of the ego’s best tricks. But my only function is to let go and let God.

Rev. Larry Glenz is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Beach, New York.

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