Miracles News

April-June, 2014

Teaching All the Time

by Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C.

Rev. Larry Glenz “The power of witness comes from your belief. And everything you say or do or think but testifies to what you teach to him.” (T-27.II.5:4-5)

We are all teaching — all the time. So truly, what is it that I desire to teach?

It seems that this has been the question in my mind ever since I retired from teaching history at Lynbrook High School on Long Island. As I continue my study of A Course in Miracles, I am becoming more aware that we are always teaching something to each other. I just need to keep asking, “Is it love or fear that is guiding my thoughts right now?”

I lost my son Kevin four years ago on Valentine’s Day. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday but it also feels like it was a dream that happened long ago. That day does split time for me in my mind into things that occurred before his fatal overdose and events that took place after.

During the seven years of Kevin’s opiate addiction, I was full of fear thoughts. At the same time, I was trained and focused on letting Holy Spirit change my thoughts and guide my behavior as the father of an addict. I have often told this story to others and wrote a book, Forgiving Kevin, to describe my experience. I often had difficulty following Spirit’s advice but I made a strong effort to put Him in charge.

Since that day four years ago, there seems to have been a transformation in my thinking. I have been able to better understand what ACIM has been teaching me for two decades: There is no death. Kevin’s love pours into me when I turn to him for help. I see him as Holy Spirit’s lieutenant — perhaps as a guiding angel. That might seem like a big stretch for someone who is not practicing this program of spiritual mind training. But I am certain that my son sends me messages in my thoughts that resonate with me as if I was hearing his voice.

Most important, I trust he, like Holy Spirit, has my best interests at heart. The “voice” is playful and usually brief. The personality in it is distinctly like Kevin’s except it never seems to take anything seriously. He seems to laugh at me a lot as if he were shaking his head at me in amused disbelief. It is almost as if he were saying, “Hey Dad, you might want to think about this and choose differently.” I can feel the laughter in his voice. It is a signal for me to pause and step back a moment. It is a gentle invitation to let inspiration in to guide me.

I find it very comforting to know that Kevin’s story was in truth just an illusion. The love we shared and continue to extend to each other since his transition is palpable. Because I have learned that only the love is real in any situation or circumstance, I have received much love from so many. I know this outpouring of love I feel comes from my choice to see it. These days I feel like I am being carried through life’s difficulties by my Higher Power. It brings with it a feeling of peace and confidence.

Spirit guided me in a process of forgiveness both before and after Kevin passed. The fear that gripped me often then has now disappeared. I regret the times that I used anger, guilt, and shame to try and change his drug habit. And sometimes I followed the advice of Spirit to just love him anyway. Those times when I got it right are especially meaningful to me now.

I have forgiven myself for my fear-based thoughts and actions. I have been able to let go of the nightmare of Kevin’s addiction. I have forgiven Kevin and those associated with the nightmare. And I am heartened by the ACIM concept that it never really happened. It was a dream — a play — a video — not real at all. This type of forgiveness — forgiving what never really happened — is the cause of my healing. I could not have healed as quickly or completely any other way. “Forgiveness is not real unless it brings a healing to your brother and yourself.” (T-27.II.4:1) I am still working on this with all my brothers.

I think back to my question, “What is it that I desire to teach?” I feel like I am being guided to teach that great strength comes from connecting to my Inner Guide. I trust that I can be a demonstration of how well forgiveness works. My conviction that only the Love matters is the message that I choose to teach.

We are all teaching — all the time. I am choosing to hold Spirit’s hand and I am grateful for His strength.

Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Long Beach, New York.

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