July-September, 2005
May 28th, I and seven other students were ordained as ministers of Pathways of Light. For me it was the culmination of a long journey from darkness into light; a journey of the prodigal son’s return Home to his Heavenly Creator. Like so many others, I had become disillusioned with the God of my childhood script Who was supposed to be loving but Who I falsely believed also created a world of pain, misery and suffering.
It wasn’t until I started the ministerial program and started studying A Course in Miracles at Pathways of Light that I came to learn that God did not create this world of pain and misery; the ego did in its attempt to separate from God and usurp God’s function. I learned that in one moment of insanity, we bought into the ego’s story, joined with ego and fell into this dream we call the world, a dream of scarcity, lack, fear, doubt, disease, and death. We then tricked ourselves into believing God created this mess so we could blame Him instead of join with Him. It worked; I did blame God and I turned away from Him in anger and forgot who I was.
In the dream searching for love, peace and purpose, I felt alone and in the desert, hungry and thirsting. I became a peace activist and for over twenty years tried to change a world that was not of God’s creation. Instead of peace, I found myself becoming angrier and more frustrated. I learned through studying ACIM that it isn’t the world I need to change but how I think about the world that needs to change. How could I see peace when I was consumed with angry thoughts and sought vengeance and blamed others out there for my unhappiness?
At times I felt so desperately unhappy and depressed, I found myself frantically running to others in the belief that they could tell me how to find happiness. In short, I became a workshop junkie looking for gurus who could ‘show me the way.’ None of them told me I needed to change my thoughts and beliefs. No one told me that I had the Holy Spirit inside of me Who could heal my false beliefs and misperceptions and guide me to the truth of who I am in God’s Love.
However, even though I thought I abandoned God, God never abandoned me. Before coming to Pathways of Light, I was led to teachers who started encouraging me to look for the answers inside. They tried to convince me that the peace of mind I was searching for was an inside job. I fought this for a long time even thought I was sinking more and more into darkness and despair. But Holy Spirit never gave up on me and one day in a state of desperation, I fell on my knees and said to whoever I thought might be up there, “God help me,” and He heard me. I remembered several years before moving to Wisconsin, meeting someone who talked about Pathways of Light in Kiel, Wisconsin which happened to be 30 minutes from where I lived, having moved from Chicago three and a half years ago.
When we first moved, my husband David and I thought we were moving to help a friend build a Buddhist retreat center. When that didn’t happen, I sank into a dark hole of depression. But looking back I know that Holy Spirit had a perfect plan for me. So, one Sunday I just showed up at Pathways of Light not having a clue what it was about. But when I walked through the door embraced in the loving arms of one of its ministers, Lorretta, I knew I had come Home out of the darkness and into the Light.
In preparing for the ministerial program, I was able to gently examine beliefs and thoughts from the past that no longer served me and release them through practicing forgiveness with the help of Holy Spirit who gave me a new way of seeing. I experienced Love in action at Pathways and came to know that we are all Love as God created us. A few weeks before doing the in-person part of the ministerial preparation, I experienced resistance coming up. With the help of my facilitator, Myron, I went to Holy Spirit to ask Him to help me through this. He told me that I was worthy of becoming a Teacher of God and worthy of teaching that only Love is real for that is who I AM.
The in-person training with the seven other students and seven ministers was filled with joy and love. I learned and experienced God’s love for me and all my brothers is Real and eternal; it’s joyful; it’s unconditional. The love was expressed in many different ways — through silence, laughter, singing and learning to access our own Inner Wisdom.
As the day of ordination approached, I noticed I was becoming increasingly nervous and panicky about making a presentation to express what my commitment meant to me. Again Holy Spirit came through as I joined with my facilitator, Myron, in doing my daily lessons from the Workbook of A Course in Miracles. Lesson 35, My mind is part of God’s; I am very holy; Lesson 36, My holiness envelops everything I see; Lesson 37, My holiness blesses the world; Lesson 38, There is nothing my holiness cannot do; Lesson 39, My holiness is my salvation; Lesson 40, I am blessed as a Son of God; and Lesson 41 God goes with me wherever I go. These lessons were perfect in helping me transform my false fear and speak with confidence about my commitment to be of service as a minister for God.
The ordination ceremony was joyous, shared gratitude to Pathways of Light for shining the Light for all who enter inviting us to join with our Creator and teach that only Love is Real for that is What we are. I do not know where I go from here but I am not alone; Holy Spirit will show me how I can be truly helpful and be of service.
Rev. Linda Wisniewski is a Pathways of Light Minister living in Plymouth, Wisconsin
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