Miracles News

July-September, 2015

When Guilt Comes Up…

by Rev. Susan Comello, O.M.C.

Rev. Susan Comello For months, I tried to write the comprehensive article on guilt. I had a mountain and an ocean of guilt come up. When I tried to write about it, I kept feeling overwhelmed and could not finish it without resulting in jibberish and more guilt and confusion.

No wonder. I was trying to explain an insane thought system. I was using ego to try to make sense of things. Because I took on the premise that what I was experiencing was in any way possible or plausible, I kept wallowing in the quagmire of trying to make sense of what is not real.

Here is another attempt to write about it all. I was raised with guilt as my guide. I was told I would go to hell because I thought I was beautiful. So to be guilty was actually useful because it might keep me from going to hell when I die. (For much of my life, little did I know that guilt itself IS hell.)

My previous lifelong dilemma: How could I think I was okay or good if thinking such a thing meant I would end up in hell? The ego trick was that if I feel bad about myself, I might have a chance to go to heaven someday. Well, this little ego trick has taken awhile to sort out.

Events in my life recently have led to a sh**load of guilt. I cried and cried over the ugliness of myself, that I could do this “horrible” thing or think that “horrible” thing. I knew, even in the depths of this seeming despair, that it was all not real. I knew Holy Spirit was with me, but I was still not able to let the guilt go because a little part of me still believed that I was a bad person and deserved to suffer. I held onto a little morsel of belief that I was alone and a victim of the world. And how could I be alone and a victim of the world unless I was truly guilty and deserved to suffer?

This is the logic of the ego. The insane assumption that even one little tiny bit of what the ego tells us is true, builds into another insane belief and a bigger, deeper insane belief until all that is left is misery and suffering. O-o-o, it hurt a lot.

The Truth was never in doubt. I had simply forgot and let the clouds and fog obscure my vision for awhile. I just had to keep giving the guilt to Holy Spirit and keep asking for Holy Spirit’s vision.

I am blessed with great abundance of help on the path, as are we all, as we open to the Love within and all around us. I could try to list the steps in my healing journey, but as a good friend has often said, “When I make lists, I know I am coming from ego.” In Truth, Spirit is always speaking to us, always loving, always here with us.

How do I speak of all the little shifts, the calls to journey partners, the ah-ha’s reading of the Course, the practice of lessons, the ACIM Practitioner Course 906: Healing Through Forgiveness, the Inner Wisdom counseling, the many moments of opening to Spirit’s wisdom, the Pathways of Light weekend calls. Each moment of willingness brings a gift of clearer vision.

I remember months ago, when the big wave seemed to arise, like a tsunami, from nowhere. I was in shock for awhile and then in disbelief and then in guilt, and of course, fear. I prayed and prayed to Holy Spirit. I wanted the pain to be gone.

It did not relieve immediately. This was something I have been working on for awhile. But, looking back, I see that many beautiful steps along the way have shown me some of the tricks of the ego that were not in my awareness. I guess this is why it happened the way it did.

I am also learning that I do not have to go through such tumultuous lessons, I can learn with gentle easy lessons. I do not know what anything is for. I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that there is no trick the ego can devise which is not seen as nothing through the eyes of Love.

I had been impatient. I wanted to be right and not wait for Spirit to speak to me. I am still working on this. Ha Ha. But, looking back, the outcome was never in question. Spirit always comes. Spirit always answers. Spirit is always here. I can neither harm nor be harmed. I am innocent. I am God’s creation. God is but love and therefore, so am I. I just need to be still, be patient, be willing to hear the Truth. I refuse to live in fear. I choose Love and peace, as this is God’s will for me. I will joy and peace for myself. I join with Holy Spirit to see the innocence in every brother and in myself, as we are One Self. Guilt is hell. My holiness is my salvation.

Rev. Susan Comello, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Madison, Wisconsin. Email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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