Dear Friends,
I recently traveled from Louisiana, where I live, to San Francisco to visit my daughter. She and her beloved partner asked me to conduct a ceremony to celebrate their union. It was a truly blessed moment and I feel so fortunate to have been part of it. The ministers address was so well recieved, both from the guests, and then later from those people I shared it with, that I decided to post it here. I hope that you enjoy it.
We gather here today to honor the union of Susan and Jennifer. Susan and Jen have long loved each other, but today they choose to cement that bond by asking a formal public commitment to each other. Such a commitment is not entered into lightly, but is an act of such courage and strength that its beauty and power inspires each of us. For that, we thank you Jen and Susan, because never has the world so needed such acts of inspiration.
Susan and Jennifer, the love of another human being is truly an awe inspiring gift. It is just such a gift that you two are offering each other on this day. Love is a gift that endures through the ages, and yet to experience that love on a day to day basis, to experience the beauty of that love day after day requires an open heart, an open mind, and a lot of hard work. It needs a willingness to roll up the sleeves, dig in the heels, and do the work that is required to keep that love fresh and strong.
If someone gave you a beautiful and valuable set of silver, and you allowed it to tarnish through neglect, to be bent and misused through carelessness; if you allowed pieces to be lost through thoughtlessness and because your attention was no longer on it, you would still have the set of silver, but it would no longer be a thing of beauty. You would no longer take pleasure in it.
And so you must think of your love. The love itself is a gift. The capacity to love is the ultimate gift of a loving creator. It is the only gift in this world with any true value. You cannot destroy this love. You cannot lose this love. It was a gift in your creation. But in order to experience this gift and to enjoy this gift, you must honor it with your attention, with your care, and with your thoughtfulness.
The real beauty of love is that it gives to you ten-fold what you give to it. You can never out give love. If you give to each other those many small acts of kindness that seem commonplace and simple, love will grow to such proportions that it will fill every space in your life.
And it is such a simple thing to express your love. Life will supply many, many opportunities for you to do so. Jen, you will be given an opportunity to take on a chore that was Susan?s simply because you know she will be too tired after work to do it herself. Susan, you will want to rub Jen?s back to ease the tension from performing. You two will be given the chance to share the rough times in a spirit of comradeship rather than to succumb to the all too human temptation to blame and reprove one another. It is in such little things that you are given the chance to nourish your love and so to give it what it needs to support a life long relationship.
The most powerful gift you can give or receive from the one you love is selective blindness. Not everyday when you wake up, Jen, are you going to feel beautiful and funny. Not every day are you going to be in a happy mood. Not every day will you be filled with optimism. On some of those days your words and actions will reflect your darker thoughts.
Susan, those are the days that you will need to use selective vision. On those days turn a blind eye; look past the script that Jen wrote for her life that day. Look past her body, her words and her actions. Look instead, at the love she is beneath all of that. Keep your eye on that truth so firmly that you see nothing else. Let your love of Jen heal her mind and spirit. That is your challenge. That is the work you do to honor marriage and this love.
Jen, there will be days when Susan will wake up on the wrong side of the bed. She will be out of sorts and moody. She will have trouble deciding what she wants from you and will not appreciate if you notice this inconsistency. There will be moments of restlessness. She may have moments of self-doubt.
This is where you practice the art of selective vision. You learn to look past her script of the day. You keep a clear vision of the truth of who she is. You see her as perfect and pure love. Nothing else about her is real. Nothing else about her will endure. Keep your vision on the truth of this woman. This is your job. Holding the truth about her until she can, again, join in this vision of herself, is how you honor this love and this marriage.
The work you put into this marriage will build the love that will sustain you through all your life. It will support you in rough times, and will thrill you in the easy times. And as you grow old together, it will bestow on you a wisdom and a comfort that all will recognize and long for in their own lives
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