I am interrupting my study of Chapter 9 to share with you something that has occurred through my study.
For a long time now I have accepted that I am 100% responsible for my life, and then I realized I was 100% responsible for the world. I understand that if I am aware of something, it is there because I desire it to be there. I can find endless quotes from all the sections of the Course that tell me I do this to myself. For a long time, even though I knew it must be true, I was resistant to it because it made me feel guilty to think about it. As I began to let go of the belief that guilt is real I could see that responsibility did not imply guilt, and then I started receiving more clarity.
Lesson 152 has long been one of my favorite lessons, even when I was still resisting the idea. In part this is what it says:
1 No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is.
This is so very clear, and yet I still insisted that someone did it to me, or I am just a victim. I think one of the reasons I could not fully accept it even though I believed it must be true, is that I could not understand how this could be true. I couldn’t understand how I made it happen. There have always been circumstances over which I seemed to have no control. How could they be my responsibility?
Recently, I read Lesson 325 and everything changed for me.
LESSON 325
All things I think I see reflect ideas.
1 This is salvation’s keynote: What I see reflects a process in my mind, which starts with my idea of what I want. From there, the mind makes up an image of the thing the mind desires, judges valuable, and therefore seeks to find. These images are then projected outward, looked upon, esteemed as real and guarded as one’s own. From insane wishes comes an insane world. From judgment comes a world condemned. And from forgiving thoughts a gentle world comes forth, with mercy for the holy Son of God, to offer him a kindly home where he can rest a while before he journeys on, and help his brothers walk ahead with him, and find the way to Heaven and to God.
Finally, I understand how I made the world I see.
I have read this lesson many times, but this time I was ready to accept the full meaning. Immediately, when I read the first phrase, “This is salvation’s keynote” I stopped. What? Did I read that right? How is it I never noticed that important statement. If you look up synonyms for key note you will find these words: important, crucial, major, essential, central. This lesson is evidently important, no, crucial to salvation.
What I read next explained to me how it is that I made this world and that I am continuing to make it every moment of every day. Everything starts with a thought in my mind, something I believe I want.
“What I see reflects a process in my mind, which starts with my idea of what I want.”
So the first step to making the world I see is to have an idea of something that seems desirable to me. I might start with the idea that I want to win. I want to be the best at what I do. That means I want to overcome my brothers, to beat them, to prove I am better than them.
The next step is this: “From there, the mind makes up an image of the thing the mind desires, judges valuable, and therefore seeks to find.”
So I have an idea of what I want and now I make up an image of the thing I desire. Perhaps that image is something like this. The coworker sitting at the table with me disagrees with my assessment of a situation. I know I am right and I tell everyone at the table why I am right and he is wrong. I use all the facts at my disposal. He has to see my point as does everyone else and so my foe is vanquished. I win!
Now comes the next step: “These images are then projected outward, looked upon, esteemed as real and guarded as one’s own.”
So now I have a clear image of something I desire and think is valuable. I now prove to myself that my desire to win is fulfilled as I project that image outward and it becomes a situation in the life of Myron. The body’s senses seem to prove that I win as I see and hear the confrontation through Myron. That whole episode with the coworker was an image I have made.
To assure myself that I have actually proven my worth through defeating my opponent, I make that image so real and so believable that it is hard to deny. Even knowing what I now know, I experience so much emotion and my image of the coworker is very reactive so that adds to the experience of it. The ego mind argues that I was right and he was wrong and if I didn’t make that clear, there would be consequences.
How could I not argue the point? I was clearly saving myself and the company from his ignorance. It all feels and looks so real, and I feel so justified in what I did. The ego declares me the winner, no, the hero who saved the day. I didn’t make this situation, the ego mind says, I just reacted to a situation that the coworker caused.
Once I have reached that third stage where I project the desired image, I can easily convince myself that I am only reacting to a situation in the world. I now believe that I have to do something about a very real situation in a real world. I have completely hidden from my mind that I made the situation and that it could not have occurred unless I desired that it do so. I have hidden from my awareness that I had a desire, made an image that expressed that desire, and then projected it outward where I could use it to experience my desire.
“From insane wishes comes an insane world. From judgment comes a world condemned.”
The solution to this insane world is to realize that my wishes are insane. Since I read this lesson, I have used it to help me see differently. It is like a fog has lifted and suddenly everything is seen in sharp relief. Next time, I will write about how I am using this lesson and why it has changed everything.
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