When I am in touch with the truth that all I need is God, I am happy and content. But when I am focused on the ego part of my mind, I am always looking for the next better thing. I think that if only the world were somehow different, I could be happy. This has been accepted as normal for so long, that now I have to be vigilant to realize I am doing it. I am learning to watch my mind for thoughts of dissatisfaction so that I can ask the Holy Spirit for a different way to see.
One of the ways I am doing this is that I made a decision (after being prompted by the Holy Spirit) to be happy in every situation. This is a good reminder to me that the world is not the cause of my problems, but rather the effect of my discontent. The other night I was driving home after a long week on the road. I was at the top of the state and had to drive very nearly to the bottom and it was already dark out. I figured I would not get home until after 9:00.
My very first thought was about how tired I was and how much more tired I would be as I continued this drive. The miles seemed to stretch out endlessly before me. This thought was followed by thoughts of how stiff my neck was, how night blind I am, how my sciatica was acting up and how much worse it would be in a couple of hours. It all happened very quickly, and I began to really dread the drive home, which is nuts because there is no way out of it.
This is all just another way of saying I would be happy if the world were different. In the short term it would be nice if Scotty would just beam me up. Since that is unlikely, it would be nice if, in the future, I didn’t have to work and at least this wouldn’t happen again. Which is equally unlikely. The ego loves this; if only the world would change, and it won’t.
I started talking to the Holy Spirit because I recognized that I was back into the ego trap of thinking that my happiness lay somewhere outside myself because I was listening to the wrong teacher. The Holy Spirit reminded me of my decision to choose happiness in every circumstance. At one time I would have argued against happiness insisting that in this case it just wasn’t possible, but since it has been working for me I am really motivated to keep doing it. Anyway, the more I turn from the ego as my teacher and to the Holy Spirit, the more natural it seems, and the more quickly I am ready to do it.
So I just decided to be happy. Ha! Who would have thought it could be so easy! All the ego arguments for misery just dissolve in that decision to listen to the Holy Spirit. I didn’t have to do anything to make myself happy, I just was. I enjoyed my own company for awhile, I listened to some spiritual CDs and was inspired. I spent some time looking at ego thoughts with the Holy Spirit and allowing them to be healed. I noticed that I was not feeling the pain I had expected and I think that a lot of the discomfort I feel when I have to drive so many miles in a week is from tension, and a lot of that tension is from discontent with the circumstances.
When I was about thirty minutes from home, thoughts of a friend I haven’t spoken to in awhile popped into my mind. I called her and we had a nice chat which made the final leg of the trip much nicer. More importantly, she told me about a spiritual experience that was very inspiring and I told her something she was grateful to hear. I think it was my relaxed and happy state which opened my mind to that little prompting to call. I am very glad that I did.
Holy Spirit, it was hard at first to get into the habit of listening to You all day long. It is hard to turn from the ego voice so that I could hear You. The ego is so compelling with its scary doomsday predictions. It is compelling with its “woe is me” stories. I am so glad that I am learning to make a different choice. I am committed to continue this practice until the ego voice is just a quiet drone in the background. Thank you so much for Your constant and patient guidance.
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