Yesterday I was studying The Way of Mastery with a friend and we were talking about denial. So many times as Course students we fall into the trap of denying what we know is not ultimate truth. I know that personality is not ultimately real and who I am so when someone is talking about a book on personality types I shy away thinking it is just reinforcing the ego thought system. This is really just the ego joining me in my spiritual study bringing fear into it. But I like most students have done this sort of thing. I get sick and I say I can’t really be sick because I am not a body and Course students don’t believe in sickness. Well, ultimately I am not a body but right now I am having the experience of a body and that body might be sick. Anyway, I woke up with some clarity about that this morning and sent my friend an email with my thoughts. I am pasting that email here.
Thinking about our talk yesterday I wanted to add that there is a distinct difference in being aware of the personality that I have chosen to experience, and believing that I am that personality. Tom Hanks played a mob killer and he did it very well because he allowed himself to get into the role. He felt the way a killer feels, he acted like one, for awhile he immersed himself in the role and became that killer. But when he was through with the role, he shrugged all those feeling off and went on as himself until he took up another role. If he had felt guilty for playing that role and refused to fully be the killer he would not be a good actor. And acting like a killer did not make him a killer.
This is precisely what is happening to me. I am immersed in the character, Myron. I am doing this because I want to. I chose this character out of my perfect freedom. I am not afraid of playing this character and not in denial about the personality or anything else about the character including having a body with all the experiences that come with having a body. If the body is sick I am not going to feel guilty for being sick. If Myron is experiencing emotional upset I am not going to feel guilty or deny the emotional upset but go through the feelings.
I am learning something from this experience of being a personality or of being sick.I am learning what it means to be separate and I am deciding if I want to continue in this state. I would rob myself of this learning situation if I denied I was having it. When I am through with this part I will remove my attention from the character and like a soap opera character, Myron will be killed off or pass away in some suitably dramatic means. And I will go on as I was created, probably choosing another character to play or maybe watching myself in a repeat performance if I need to.
The important thing for me to remember is that I am not the character, Myron, and am unaffected by this brief performance. I remain as I was created. When I choose to remember this all the time, I will be an awakened Christ. I can choose to walk the earth as an awakened Christ, perfectly aware of my true identity and aware of everyone else’s. Then I won’t be fooled by all the other players. When they play the part of jerk, it won’t make me angry because I will know they are just playing a part and doing the same thing I did; using it to wake up. Won’t that be cool!
I was a little out of it yesterday and couldn’t get my mind around what I wanted to say. Probably because I was distracted by the plumbers and I realized later that day that I had forgotten to take my estrogen. My lead character is very dependent on magical means to stay sane. This is a helpful bit because I get to see what that form of separation creates and the evidence against separation piles up. It’s all rather funny when I think about it. Then I get caught up in the story again and forget it is funny.
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