Journal for Day 20
LESSON 20
I am determined to see.
“What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world.”
Absolutely everything I do as I practice A Course in Miracles, including this lesson, is to open my mind to what I really want and to decide to have it. This is so very simple and while it used to feel very hard at times, it now feels much easier. I might get bogged down in an ego story for a little while, but I have so many ways to bring me back to sanity that the insanity is brief for the most part.
I now recognize the ego and I know that the ego can be the cause of my distress or it can be the way out of my distress. It is up to me. If there is an ego thought in my mind, I can accept it as if I have no choice and suffer for believing it. Or I can deny what is clearly not true regardless of the apparent effects of that belief and watch everything change.
I recognize that I want to be happy and I want to be free. I used to be confused about that to the point that I didn’t recognize happiness or freedom. I believed that competitive little ego self of mine when it said that being right and winning was happiness. I believed it when it said that making decisions on my own was freedom.
I have so much more confidence in my ability to choose again what I want, and in the power of my thoughts to bring me joy as easily as it has brought me pain. I have much more confidence in myself as God created me than I used to. While it is not complete confidence, it is enough to sweep me forward on this path and make my way smoother and easier.
I don’t see today’s practice as a burden. I look forward to it because I am determined to see. I want to open my spiritual eye and see the world in a different light. I want never to close it to the truth again. In a moment of confusion yesterday, I asked for help in seeing and I received my answer. I am awakening, no doubt about it, and I am helping others to awaken.
I am a teacher of God. Whatever thoughts deny this can only be meaningless and of no interest to me. I am determined to see the truth.
PS: A couple of days ago I awoke to pain in my lower back. That is the illusion. The truth is that pain is not real. For these two days I have been thinking as if pain could be real, but as I read this lesson again, I am reminded that I am determined to see. I see that for whatever reason, I have projected an image of pain, and I see that I am now unwilling to believe in that image. Whether the pain disappears from my mind or not, I am free of the belief that it is now or ever has been real. Thank you, Holy Spirit.
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