Journal for Day 24
LESSON 24
I do not perceive my own best interests.
I don’t perceive my own best interests. In order to accept what Jesus is telling me, I must accept the premise on which it is based. The reason I don’t perceive my own best interests is that I make that determination based on my perception of the situation and my perception is wrong.
Since I have experienced being completely wrong about what things mean, and have experienced this often, I am fully willing to accept that premise. Of course, the ego wants to hedge its bet and argue that sometimes I know what a thing means and what it is for. At one time, I would have been in agreement with ego, but I know better now. The one thing I know for sure is that I don’t want the ego directing my life.
If I am using my thinking mind, that is, the ego part of the mind, then I do not know anything. Here is what I have experienced. I am continually making decisions based either on what the thinking mind tells me or I am making decisions based on what comes through my holy mind. It can be something very simple, such as what I should do next.
Yesterday, I had some free time and I was trying to decide how to use it. If I was using the form of this lesson, here is what it would have looked like. In this situation involving this free time, I would like to get some more writing done, I would like to watch TV, I would like to meditate, I would like to read my current book, I would like to work on my 4th step.
I stood there in the middle of the room considering each possibility and discarding some of them for various reasons and having trouble coming to a conclusion. Then the thought came into my mind that I don’t have to decide with my thinking mind. I asked the question of my Inner Guide, what should I do next and I waited a moment. I felt to go to Walmart.
There were a couple of things I needed, but the reason seemed to be that I needed to get out of the house and I needed to walk. This came to me in snippets of thought, but it felt so right that I picked up my keys and went without giving it any thought. I am teaching myself to check in with Inner Guidance rather than making decisions with the ego mind. This particular decision may not seem earth shattering, but it is another opportunity to do this practice.
Here is one of the situations that I used this for this morning’s practice.
In this situation in which I am uneasy about what my lab work said, I would like the doctor to call me today and let me know, I would like the lab work to give a definitive answer to my problem, I would like the lab work to point to the solution, I would like the lab work to come back negative, I would like to get the surgery and get it over, I would like the surgery to correct the problem, I would like to be rid of the symptoms listed and other symptoms not listed, I would like to just let the problem be healed in the mind that thought it and keeps it going by continuing to think it.
But the thing is, I don’t perceive my own best interests in this situation. I know that I don’t, so wishing for anything is kind of silly. Even just wanting it to be over may not be in my own best interests. Sometimes we take a circuitous path to get to our destination because there are lessons to learn on the way. Don’t want to miss any of those lessons just to get things done and over. I think I am just going to allow, accept and trust and so let my mind return to peace.
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