Journal for Day 59
Lesson 55
1 (21) I am determined to see things differently.
“I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me…”
I am inundated with “proof” that I am not as God created me. That is what this world is all about, being something I am not. So I am going to have to put some effort into seeing differently, to seeing witnesses to the truth. I am determined to do this now, and from now on. This is an interesting time for me to choose this focus.
My body is not at its best and my finances are strained because of the costs associated with the body issues. These circumstances alone point to the illusion rather than the truth. On the other hand, I see all of this and recognize that it is an illusion. There was a time when I would have gotten lost in the story and suffered intense anxiety and that isn’t happening now, so this points to the truth.
2 (22) What I see is a form of vengeance.
“It is my own attack thoughts that give rise to this picture.”
That I have chosen to believe in separation guarantees attack thoughts. If there are two, there is competition and the idea of competition is the idea of attack. As I was writing about this, I received a message on Facebook to beware of friending a particular person because he is a hacker I need to be afraid of. It’s a hoax and generally I just say so and think nothing of it. But this time, I saw it differently. I saw it as a form of vengeance.
This hoax is an attack and the desire to defend is an attack. I, of course, checked with Snopes to be sure it is not real because that is normal caution. But to react in fear and to encourage fear is just feeding into the ego thought system and making it stronger. Not that I haven’t done exactly that in the past, because I have done so and probably continue to do so in a million little ways. But I thought this might be a good time to turn this particular form of vengeance around and offer peace instead.
So many times we are challenged in our lives with lack and loss, pain and sickness, and broken relationships. As Course students we might look for the wrong thought in an effort to avoid these situations in the future. Sometimes we can even see the link between a thought and its effect, but often, I think, it is just a general belief in attack and defense that causes the situations we come to regret. This time when the hoax showed up, I chose to do more than ignore it or call it out. I chose to meet it with peace.
3 (23) I can escape from this world by giving up attack thoughts.
“Herein lies salvation, and nowhere else.”
Talk about simplifying the whole thing! All that I have to do is notice these attack thoughts and realize I am no longer interested in them. The Holy Spirit will do Its part and eventually, the mind snaps to the fact that all attack thoughts are the same and none are true or real or valuable. This is the path out of the world I made.
4 (24) I do not perceive my own best interests.
“I am willing to follow the Guide God has given me to find out what my own best interests are, recognizing that I cannot perceive them by myself.”
There are a few things in ACIM that I have fully accepted. One of them is that I know that I am never a victim of the world I see. That is never up for debate; I simply am not. This is another of those. At no time do I perceive my own best interest if I am depending on the ego mind to make that decision.
The ego does not know who I am. The ego thinks it is me and so will always assume what is good for the ego is good for me. This will only bind me more closely to the world if I accept it as true. I do not, so if I realize I have inadvertently asked the ego for help, I put that advice aside and ask the Holy Spirit instead.
5 (25) I do not know what anything is for.
“To me, the purpose of everything is to prove that my illusions about myself are real.”
The entire world, including this separate self I think of as me, was made for the purpose of providing me with an experience outside reality. The only way this could work is if I entered it with temporary amnesia. I have to forget everything that is true and real if I am to have an experience of separation. There is another purpose to the world and it is just waiting for me to be ready to see it. I am ready to withdraw my own purpose now and as I do so, the real world is revealed. So far this has occurred slowly a little at a time. It is hard not to be impatient.
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