Journal for Day 65
LESSON 61
I am the light of the world.
“I am the light of the world. That is my only function. That is why I am here.”
For a long time, I would flinch at this statement. The self I was familiar with seemed to be a dismal failure at being the light of the world. But I kept going back to it, trying to absorb the fact that God knows me and so I must be wrong about myself. Eventually, I came to understand that my ego self is not the light of the world, but I am, and it is my purpose here to accept this function and to let that light shine so bright that the ego self becomes its shadow, still here, but insubstantial.
It is interesting that this is the lesson for today because in the wee hours this morning I woke up from a disturbing dream. The ego was asserting itself and it was not a pretty picture. I tried to stop thinking but that didn’t work. I tried to change the thoughts but that didn’t work. The ego would have me believe that I am this little self and that is all I will ever be. It is a nauseating feeling.
Finally, I thought to do the Sacred Heart meditation. That thought was opposed by the ego, saying that I was not worthy of being with Jesus. I hesitated for a few moments, but I have gone through these ego stubborn attempts to convince me that the truth is not true and while they are unpleasant and I still get entangled, I always throw them off. So I did the meditation and I asked Jesus for his help to see differently.
What he gave me was a visual that I have found helpful in the past and that I teach from myself. I first read about it in “In the World But Not of It.” It talks about the Self as a clear blue sky and the thoughts as clouds in the sky. I saw these thoughts in my mind as dark, foreboding clouds. But what I know is that clouds don’t stay and when they are gone, the clear blue sky is unchanged by their presence.
I sighed with relief knowing that ego thoughts do affect this story, but they do not affect me. This morning when I woke up, I was the same light of the world that I am meant to be and the temporary disturbance of the night before was meaningless. Those attempts by the ego to maintain itself as me don’t come all that often anymore, but they are vicious when they do. It’s good to see that even though they can briefly affect me, they cannot overcome me anymore.
From Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
What gives power to a thought and makes it seem meaningful? Can you see that it is your attention that makes a thought seem meaningful?
What causes an emotion like anger or jealousy to become manifest in your body? Can you see that attention on thought creates emotion? Can you see for yourself that your attention is an activating force?
Notice that you have freewill regarding where you place your attention/awareness.
My Thoughts
Last night while I was still affected by that disturbing dream and still not completely awake, I let my attention linger on the ego thoughts in my mind. That is where I was casting my attention and the more attention I gave those thoughts the more they seemed to take on a reality that was not actual. Thoughts can make a false reality that affects my experience even if it does not affect my reality. I will continue to be vigilant for where I cast my attention.
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